My gf of 14 months broke up with me, I want to get her back

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Tell a short back story to help you understand my situation, when the girl and I were 1st getting together I told her that I had a problem with looking at porn and i was stopping that. She has a very strong issue with porn for reasons I do not know, anyways, I promised her that I would never look at that, I never did for the entire time we were together. We had almost broken up twice through out the year over this because she was bothered by the thought of it yet i wasnt looking at it or doing anything to make her think twice about it. I made her trust me and eventually she did, she told me if I ever looked at it she would break up with me though (understandable). The night before thanksgiving she tells me that she wants a break, shes crying hard. I had nothing to say really. right after she left I told her that I had looked at porn last week (i really did, it was killing me inside keeping it from her). She was very angry and said that we are through. we talked pretty much everyday for about a week, both crying and her very angry. Then she would contact me every 3 days or so, she has told me that she knows that im not the one, in the meantime I was doing the wrong thing and writing huge emails to her saying how sorry i was and how i wanted her back..ect... She said that our break up was because I looked ar porn (she wanted a break before I told her though), she also said that she had doubts in the relationship and that we didnt laugh enough. Anyways, she would text me every 3-4 days to see how I was doing and some times wouldnt even reply back until hours later. 1 month later I asked her if she would want to meet up and get some food to talk and catch up, nothing important, we had gone for lunch 2 other times over the course of the month before so I was hoping for another. She said she needed to think about it and a couple days later she told me that she didnt think it was right and that we should just keep talking like we have been, she didnt want to make it harder on me by us seeing eachother. I told her that we cant keep in contact, if she cant see me in person and talk in a casual way then there is no reason to keep in contact like this, if it was to keep from hurting me, that the phone calls hurt me as well. I told her not to contact me at all, a week and a half went by and just last night she texted me asking a favor to get a cd from me for a music appreciation class she is taking, i didnt answer the text and then I see her in front of my microbiology class waiting there (her classes are on the other side of campus) she told me that her dad was picking her up infront of where we were cause her car is in the shop (she isnt by the door to see her dads car, she is by my class). We small talked and then got interuppted by a rude lady in my class and then my ex's dad calls her and she had to leave...she calls me 15min later to say that it was nice to see me and to talk a little. Later that night I randomly run into her and her friends at the bowling ally, she was with 2 guys and 1 girl. I small talked with her for a bit, we went to our lanes and i left it at that. After maybe 30 minutes of bowling she comes over to our lane and just small talks with my friends (she mostly just sat there and hung out until her turn in the other lane), she did this 2 more times through out the night...My friends and I were leaving and so we said bye to my ex and everyone, she gets up and hugs me and says it was good to see me (not a half hug either like alot of people do, a full hug).

Thats my story, I am not sure what to do at this point, I am continueing with what I told her (no contact at all) but I really do want her back. I want to contact her and ask her to go get some food with me sometime but im not sure how long I should wait until then or even if i should at all. My idea was to wait another 2 weeks or so and if she hasnt contacted me yet, to call (or send a letter in the mail) and ask her to go get some lunch with me sometime. What can I do to rekindle what we had? I know she misses me but I also know I hurt her with what I had done. I know I would never do that again but I broke her trust with that and now i need her to see that she still can trust me. I just need help at how to get us back together. Advice
It certainly seems that she still cares for you quite a bit. Her behavior at the bowling alley proves that.

Keep trying for lunch with her and the physical contact should bring you back together. Don't rush things though because she is still hesitant.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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