Taking a Break turned into Breaking Up

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I recently took a break from my boyfriend of a year and a half. We had a lot of plans together... but during the break something came to him and when I wanted things to work out again, he said no. Now I'm left with anger, pain, and confusion. I thought everything would be ok, but I begged him back and he just said no, he can't do it, and stated "it's hard for you to accept this now because during the break you thought you could just have me back anytime, and now that you know you can't have me, you hate it."

You don't know how right he is... I guess he got me. I love him so much though, and I haven't been able to get on with life. Believe me I've tried, partying till 5 am, going out everynight, talking, SMILING... it all helps for the time being, but every morning I wake up, and I think "I'm not going to talk to him." I mean, we have taken breaks before and talked EVERYDAY. I just was used to the same happiness everyday (talking, hanging out with him) and all of a sudden it just comes to a complete stop. I just want him back... thats all there is to it. What should I do????

RomanceClass.com Advice
I suppose I have to first admit that I have never understood this "taking a break" mentality. Either you are with someone and committed to working things out and being together, or you are not committed to those things and can therefore drift apart. Any time you 'give up' - even if you claim it's a temporary thing - your entire mindset changes to one of allowing other relationships to spring up, of not working any more to maintain that connection. And it sounds like that's exactly what happened to him. You guys gave up for a while, and he decided that a relationship that can be given up on is not one he wants to put time and effort into.

His whole attitude of "Ha ha, you want me and you can't have me" is rather childish, though. Of course you want him! You guys BOTH wanted each other before and had assumed that you WOULD again. For him to say "I have power over you because you still care" is just wrong. You guys SHOULD care for each other and this should be a MUTUAL thing. It should never, ever be about one person having power over the other. That he can even think about it in that manner indicates he cares more about himself than about your relationship. He is looking for his own personal advantage, not what is best for you both.

It really sounds like, for many reasons, it is best for you to move on. The relationship wasn't healthy in the first place if a break was called. And HE is not healthy for you if he can be so selfish to not only thrill in his power but enjoy causing you pain by rubbing it in. Of all the ways to break up well, that is NOT it.

Yes, it's going to take a while to get over him. Breaking up is NEVER easy and this can take weeks to months to get through. Give yourself time. Know that it will hurt for a while, but that you will be much, much happier when it is all done. You will find someone that really is a good match for you, and will look back on your time with your ex as a learning experience.

I have advice on healing from a breakup here -


good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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