broken up... nothing is for sure

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
my gf of a year and a half just went overseas for a semester abroad. we decided to break up because a semester is a long time. i can see the logic in it, but i still love her.

i want to be with her, no matter where she is. i'm not sure that she feels the same. she sends me mixed signals: she wants me to stay celebate while she is away, as she will be doing the same. she wants me to visit her. she says that when she gets back, she hopes to stay with me during summer and winter internships. she mentions marriage...

...but she says we aren't together right now... we've had our problems. she can't forgive me for an affair i had before we were together... it's a moral issue. (she's actually said that she thinks she can forgive me now... but we'll see.) there was an issue with an ex of her's, but that's been worked out to some degree. we have different levels of ambition, although that is attributable to our age difference (8 year difference). she's a bit of a neat freak and i am not. her mother doesn't always have the nicest things to say about me.

i know she's the one i want. she has her problems with me... but they seem mostly like small things i can work on. i want to know where we stand, not just now, but in the future... which i know is impossible. i want to know in diffinitive terms... but i don't want to hear that we'll never be together again.

how do you rate our chances? do you have any suggestions about what i do? not knowing is killing me. almost to the point that i've considered not talking to her and just moving on. but she's such a wonderful woman... i know i would just be looking for her. i'm in limbo. Advice
You are suffering separation pains.

You should feel better after a while, but it is still going to hurt.

The problems you mentioned a relatively minor and should be resolvable with some work.

So stay in limbo and wait for her to come back. Based on your agreement of celibacy, it sounds like she intends to come back to you.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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