Almost 3 years after a 10 mo. Why can't I get over it?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Ok for me this is so complicated. I don't want to make this long, but if I do I want to apologize ahead of time.

Me and my ex broke up almost 3 years ago after a 10 month relationship. I was elated when he came into my life, he made me feel things I have NEVER felt with anyone else.I was completely in love with him. Yet because I was 16 years old I was frightened to death. I didn't want to think my search and my fun was over at such a young age. So I would purposely bicker with him, and I broke up with him several times only to ask him to come back to me. One final time and I was done. He packed up his stuff and left, and I was so confused I started dating a guy about 2 days after we broke up. I betrayed him because I told him it would take me at least a month before I would go off and find someone else.

Now I have all these memories of him and for some reason I just CANNOT get him out of my head. Even when I think I'm so close to being over him, I have some sort of haunting dream, I'm marrying him and I'm happy again. It's been sooo long since we broke up, but no matter what, he's dug down so deep into my subconscious that I can't yank it back out.

To make matters worse if I start to feel any feeling that I had felt towards him, I start to stray away from the person I'm feeling it towards. Or I become numb towards that person and can't feel anything at all. I have some psychological barrier that will never allow me to feel that way for a person again. I just want it to go away. I don't know how to continue my life, after having fallen in love with my husband I can't feel it anymore. I have to force myself to feel it sometimes because I feel so crappy when I'm numb.

Yet I'm so happy with my life and I'm such a happy person all the time and I'm wondering if it's something my mentallity is doing to me. Forcing me to feel happy about myself and only that. I don't know how to treat men anymore. I don't even know if I really know how to treat women. I'm so confused. It's like... what happened when I was with him that could have triggered all these mental blockades. I'm going insane. Advice
You said "I don't know how to continue my life" and "I'm going insane."

These are signs of very deep pain and should not be ignored. By that I mean you should seek professional counseling to help you through this. Nothing is more important than you right now so take care of yourself.

Make this your number one priority right now and get some help.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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