How do i make sense of this/how do i move on?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I went out with a guy a year ago. It was the most passionate thing i've gotten into, most spontanious and he was the world to me. I've never felt so turned on and so connected to soemone in my life. He was old fashioned, cool and cute as hell. The only thing is to me, he seemed too good to be true. We did a lot of fooling around and it was heaven to me except i questioned him a lot. Does he like me he's too cute? Am i smart enough or pretty enough enough for him etc? Just basically me putting him on a high pedistal. Well things went well for about 4 months until until these feelings of inadequeces boiled up and i started getting insecure, distant and i pushed him away. The thing was also he allowed it, he wasn't strong enough to handle my emotions and we drifted apart. I was heartbroken and into 2 weeks of my new job i started i was constantly depressed and always cried. I wrote him an email about 3 days or so after telling him i missed him, what was going through my head and that i miss when he kissed me because i seriously have never felt a more physical attraction with anyone else in my life, it was magnetic. Really it was our first kiss just happened in a haze of feeling. When i told him how i felt he simply stated "I'm sorry i do not feel the same way. I am too busy with school and my studies to also invest in a serious relationship. I'm sorry let's still be friends" I wrote an email back saying i understand and i made up a bunch of excuses as to why. The things that hurt me the most, however is a week later he finds his
soul mate" and they've been together ever since. Which lets me thik why didn't i matteR? After all this passion, why did he throw me aside and not even talk to me for about a year even after? Did i not mean that much to him? After my hurt i tried to move on but even a year later i still feel angry and so confused on why he did what he did after all the love i gave him and why was i so insecure when now i've grown up a lot. After him i went out with A LOT of people and did a lot of things I'm not proud of but i got myself esteem up high and now i am not settling. I know i didn't lve who he was rather the passion we had. I do not know whether to tell him how i feel because i do not want to be shut down again by him, he did not talk to me after we broke up and we were not "friends", i am afraid of me seeming weak to him again when in fact i've grown up A LOT! I now don't just go out with people who want to go out with me i have to fall in love as well and my standards are high. I'm afraid to talk to him because i donno if he has this "i won" mentality above him, when in fact i want to win and seem stronger to him. What do i do? He is very much a right situation man, kind of social graces kind of polite old fashioned guy. I could go on but basically. How do i get over this. I'm horribly jelous of his girl. I still hav efeelings. I want to get over this but donno how. I want to still look strong to me and him. Please help. He hurt me deep on levels of abandonment.
A year ago you were insecure, distant, and pushed him away. You broke up.
Then he got a new g/f with whom he has been since then.
The first step in getting over him is to honestly acknowledge to yourself that you will probably never be back together with him. And you may never entirely get over him... some people have that affect on us and we just have to live with it. Be happy he is happy. Since you still care for him that should be very important to you.
You speak about being stronger to him and that you want to win and you wonder whether he thinks he won. Love is not a win lose game. It may feel like it but you should put that in the past and look to the future. Hopefully you have learned something and that is invaluable in itself.
For more hints on getting over a break see:
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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