its been a year

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Its been a year me and my ex have been brocken up but we never cut contact. I tried, he would never let me. Even when we fight, he always calls back and if not I do, so we do put up with each other. The most we have gone without contact was one week. In August I went to Europe for 15 days, and during my trip, it was his birthday so I called him from there. Before I left things were edgy because I was starting to be very depressed. Now it's been a bit a year and 2 months we arent together, and a year that he has been with someone else. When I came back from my trip he contacted me and was being very jalous about my whereabouts there and if I had went with someone else. I'll admit, I played the dating game but he's the only one who has my heart. We talk almost everyday and see each other every 2 weeks about. He had asked me to help him out with his new company which I agreed only to be more present in his life. I dont work with him at the office but rather on my own and call him once a potential client is ahead. Last week end he contacted me at 4 in the morning and used boredom as an excuse to talk to me. He had spent the night with her and just drove her. He has always asked me frequently if I have someone else in my life, who's my new boyfriend, and doesnt believe theres no one else but I dont know if thats because he wants me to move on really or if he's just scared to loose his back-up plan. Whenever I bring up the ''we need to talk'' he seems to run away from it and says he doesnt want too and there's no point, it's irrelevant and will only stir sadness. He says we're just friends and I should find someone new. He knows I still have feelings for him. He's a very proud guy. I'm supposed to meet him in a couple of days for his work but again but he has a gf and even if he says he doesnt love her, he spends a lot of time with her and is committed to her. Ever since the break-up, we never got physical but we have gotten ourselves into some intense conversations, arguments but in the end, we always laugh them off like two kids. I really love him and we do have a great time, I dont know what to do to get him back. Im scared that if I tell him he will pull away from me. We broke up because he was scared of getting too serious or too committed and yet, he's been with her for a year. Have I become just a friend? He says we're friends now which is true, but why does he go crazy everytime he feels another guy is in the picture. I told him a month ago I'm going to the movies with a guy and he called me at 2 in the morning to know how it went and getting jalous. I admit, I am jalous too but only because I dont want her to be more important than me, which she probably is 'cause if she wasnt why would he be with her not me. But then again, why would he call me at 4 in the morning or why would he be jalous and question my lovelife constantly. He knows he's special to me. Those questions bring more questions to me. How do I get him back for good as my boyfriend without loosing him? How do I get him to desire me all over again and leave her for good and commit to me and only me and see that we belong together? Advice
Some guys remain jealous even after they have split up with a woman. So don't go by that too much.

You and your ex split up a year ago and he still shows signs of interest in you. This is encouraging you to try to get him back. My advice is to continue interacting with him the way you have been. If he wants to come back he will.

You would not want to break up an existing year-long relationship because that isn't the right thing to do. So, that is why the way you are acting now is good. Give him time to find his way back to you on his own. Cooking him his favorite home-cooked dinner would be ok and helpful.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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