Boyfriend and Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Iíll try make this short but about 5 years ago I fall in love with this guy, and we broke up for good after about two years off and on. And now Iím dating a guy for a little over a year and I love him and we talk about our future together but I still have feelings and think about my ex. My ex is two years older and he was a good guy but we were in college and ours friend did a lot to try to keep us apart, they said he cheated but it hasnít been proven, they said stuff about me that wasnít true and it finally ended us. And its hard for me because when he doesnít have a girl he calls me and acts like he wants to be with me but if he gets a girl he wont talk to me, he sayís its because he gets busy with work, not sure if I believe him. My bf now is two years younger and you can tell, we fright over stupid stuff and its little, and for me its annoying and I feel like heís a baby at times. Iím just confused because I love both of them and I havenít stop thinking about my ex in 5 years and I donít know why this is bothering me, it could be because my bf now is talking a lot about how he wants to marry me, Iím not sure and I donít know what to do. I just know I think about my ex more then I should and I donít know if he wants me back or not but I donít know if this is normal or not, and if I should be with my bf if I think about my ex. How can I be in love with two people? How 5 years later I still think about my ex? How/why do I want to know if we could be together and if it could be different this time? Please help Its starting to bring my relationship down, because I think about my ex more and more, I donít want to ruin my relationship now if I'm meant to be with him but at the same time I donít want to miss out on getting my ex back if that is what Iím meant to do. Advice
You could spend a long time waiting to find out what is "meant to be."

My advice is to get this problem out of your mind and into the open. Talk with your b/f first and tell him you are still thinking of your ex and, in fact, you feel that you may love both of them. This should not be pleasant so expect a fight and prepare yourself to be as calm as possible. Tell your b/f that he can leave you or stick around. Tell him you will also be talking with your ex when you will tell him the same thing.

A lot of your pressure is the secrecy of it all.

Another option is to talk to your ex first so you are more likely to keep your b/f.

Needless to say, you may end up losing them both. But maybe that is meant to be. In any case, this approach will get things moving.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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