How do I get past this????

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My (ex)boyfriend first emailed me from a gay dating sight. I don't really like the chat thing too much so I gave hime my number. We played phone tag a bit and eventually arranged to meet at a public place. We really hit it off. We'd go out to dinner everynight and just talk and talk. We also went to the movies so much we ran out of things to see. Underneath all of that was this really peaceful feeling we had when we were together. We could ride in the car together and not say a word, just glance over at each other and smile.

Rather quickly, we moved in together due to him being abruptly asked to leave his place (long story, but somethig about the roomate's husband finding out about her boyfriend)We were hitting it off so well, and I had just found a cute new apartment. My (ex)boyfriend came to stay with me. Things were still very sweet. Add quiet nights cooking for each other to all of the movies and restaurants, and that was our nice life.

I don't know, maybe He is a commitmentphobe, wasn't ready, didn't really love me, or was just using me. but he started talking to a guy he dated 6 months ago that lives back in France. After the guy didn't call him for a few days, he told me that he "realizes he is in love with" this guy. I was heartbroken, to say the least. our relation was so new that it was really wrong for me to have expectations, so I played cool. Although he sayed no more love relationship, it actually continued for another month.........exactly the same. Then I found out he was planning on meeting some older guy in New York. I came to the conclusion that I don't have the energy to see him actually go and meet another guy. I told him if he went, he'd have to find a place to live when he returned. After a pause, I kind of flew off the handle and told him that I think he is making a big mistake by not realizing what we have.

He packed his things and left in tears that night. That was one month ago and I haven't seen him since. I have never spilled so many tears in my life.

How do I get past this? I went from seeing someone everyday for a decent amount of time to nothing. One month has past and nothing. I cry every day and i miss him so much. Advice
I'm sorry you are in this situation.

You have analyzed the situation very well so I won't comment on the history of this romance. Really all that is left to do is to mourn the loss of a wonderful companion.

Even though your relationship was of fairly short duration, it will still take you time to get over it. But recognizing that you will get over it is a good first step toward doing so.

Reach out to friends and new acquaintances to share your feelings since their own experiences may help you understand better how to live through the breakup.

Try to think that his decision may have been best for him and in your love for him your sympathies could lie with his needs. Small solace but some.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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