Tough Decision

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Well I used to write in here about my ex because I wanted him back. Long story short, we broke up about a year ago, and he treated me really badly for a long time afterwards. The reason we broke up was because I found out about him lying.

Now after trying to get him back for so long, I had finally moved on and he had moved on and was seeing another girl. We didn't talk for probably 3 or 4 months. Then one day he just texted me a message saying that he was going through a lot and he had nobody else to go to, and that he wanted to call me but was scared that I would refuse to talk (I was the one who ended our communication).

I gave him a call and he said that other girl didn't work out, and that he finally realized how much of a jerk he had been to me and that he couldn't believe he ruined everything with me at the end (we dated for 3 years). He said that he had been extremely depressed thinking about me and missing me. Of course, in my head I was happy because finally he was getting payback.

But we did start hanging out again as friends, and he started treating me extremely good. He would take me out anywhere I wanted to go, be extremely nice to me, trying to make it up to me. Pretty much I now have all the power (he's even cried about it a bunch of times in front of me and he never used to cry). It eventually evolved into us "seeing" eachother again, and it has been about 4 months now. He's told me that he has fallen back in love with me but I won't say the same.

I keep this at "seeing eachother" and refuse to be in committed relationship with him right now. I am still keeping my options open, but he is exclusive to me. The reason is I don't know what I want. I really enjoy the time I spend with him. He is great to talk to and we talk all the time, and he treats me really well now. The problem is, I just can't forgive what he has done to me in the past, and after all the lying he used to do I find it very hard to trust him.

I can't keep just seeing him forever, and I know I am going to eventually have to make a choice one way or the other. After being a jerk/liar for so long is it often that a guy does a turn-around for good? He wasn't like that throughout our whole relationship, but probably for the last year of it. And I also feel like he might just have come back to me because any other girls fell through.

I'm not sure what to think any advice would be extremely helpful, thank you! Advice
Keep doing what you are doing now.

If he is faking, he can't keep it up for that long. You should be able to judge his sincerity given more time.

Meanwhile you should not increase the relationship until you feel very, very comfortable with him and trust him.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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