Help Getting Over First Loves After Many Years

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I was very shy growing up and didnt have a girlfriend through high school. After many years of wondering when I would meet someone I finally met her when I was 24. We worked together for a large company, and even though we never directly worked together, this girl stood ou very well. I started by leaving a note on her car, and to my surprise she called. Her parents had moved into the state a year ago and she still knew no one. She was also going to college out of state and was only home in the summers. We began to hang out everyday, and talk on the phone everyday as well for at least an hour. Everything was great, I had met someone and even been accepted into their family. Her mother even supposedly told her to not let this one get away. For the first time in my life I felt extrememly happy. I showered her with special things like notes on the car out of the blue, presents, flowers, she was worshipped. And it seemed to be mutual, she as well returned occasional notes. The problem arose when she was to return for school, we had now been exclusive for a few months and I was definitely in love. one more thing to add her was that we had never had sex, mostly due to my shyness I believe. She stated that she just wanted to be FRIENDS (yes the word everyone hates to hear). She could never give me a reason. I became infuriated, my world fell apart. I broke my fist when i punched a wall, i wrote her long letters (nothing bad), and spoke of her often. I would drive by her house just to see her car parked in the driveway, but not sit and stalk or anything like that haha. Her mom, the same person that told her not to let me get away, had her fixed up with the son of someone she worked with by Christmas. She had returned home for Thanksgiving break and even though I got to see a movie with her, she also met this other guy. I did also see her for Christmas, we exchanged gifts but she was now seeing this other guy. I dont believe she was "playing me", this is a very smart girl that now 8-9 years later i see has accomplished each othe goals she set for herself back then, almost exactly in the timeframe she thought she would. I have kept track of her life through people searches on the internet, she is married and both have a sucessful career. Although I know I will never be with this girl again, and I have continued to date, I will never forget this one and how i never really received an answer as to why is very crushing to me. I also seem to now have relationship problems because of this. I do not seek longterm relationships, rather more like friends with benefits and no relationship has lasted longer than a couple months. I feel like I lost it a long time ago, what happened to me? Any incite from past experiences similiar to this would be greatly appreciated. Advice
Many people can't get their first love out of their minds.

There is something so special that high school bf and gf will get back together after their spouses are gone.

That being said, however, just because it is common doesn't make it right or easy to deal with.

Keep dating and one day you will find someone who is close enough to her that you will fall in love again.

Sometimes the failure to have sex will prevent a person to reach full closure, thinking that the romance was incomplete. Toss that around in your mind and see if it doesn't apply to you. The reason she only wanted you as a friend is probably as simple as she didn't love you. Try to accept that and move on.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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