My Friend Wants Me to Cheat

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend are engaged. we are engaged for the past 5 months. I do love him a lot and care for him deeply. Recently i found out that my friend likes me and wants a relationship, he knows that i have a fiancee, I have always liked this friend of mine but i never trully told him and neither has he. What do I do I want to be with my friend but I don't want to break my fiancee's heart!!! Advice
My first comment is that part of accepting a proposal is accepting that you have made a commitment. There are ALWAYS other guys you will be attracted to. Your "friend" isn't the first!! There will be many guys in your life that you meet over the years that will seem really handsome and cool and everything else. But the whole thing about marriage is that you have said that you are making a long-term dedication and you are not going to betray it for some short-term pleasure. If you don't feel you can actually stand behind that statement, you shouldn't have accepted the marriage proposal.

Your friend isn't much of a friend if he told you, while he knows you have declared loyalty to another guy, that he wants to sleep with you - and that he is encouraging you to betray your word. A friend is about supporting you to be your very best. Doing ANYTHING to help you break your word and betray your trust is NOT the action of a friend. A true friend always looks out for your best interests first. For him to try to damage your relationship with your fiance and put you into this situation is the act of someone who thinks of himself and his own needs first, and yours second.

If he wanted you before you said "yes", he should have said so. If he was a true friend and wanted you AFTER you said "yes", he should have held his tongue. To do anything else is dishonorable in either direction.

If you're going to jump ship every time something better looking comes along, it's better for you not to get married - because there is ALWAYS something better looking or richer or any other quality you can name. The point of marriage is to say "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, you and I can weather the storms and be happy." If you can't even last the engagement, it's time to put some serious thought into the meaning of those words.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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