Is it time to break up ??

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi guys, it's the middle of the night and im up surfing the web and having all kinds of emotions flying around my head. I stumbled upon this website and decided to ask a question that I feel sad about asking. I am a 21 year old rookie police officer and successful college graduate, I have a girlfriend that is a year older then me who is also a university student, we have been together for almost five years now and things are not like they should be with us. Wow, this is so hard to write because I donít know where to start...I feel that she is way to controlling of me and I canít take that. We fight about every little stupid thing at least 2 times a day, especially when itís time for me to have my personal time with my buddies. I still say that I love her and I really believe that I do, but our sex life has gone down to about 2-4 times a month. We are talking about moving in together and starting fresh and we are both talking about taking a trip down to Europe together because that is where we are both from...we are making all these plans and to be honest with you it kind of scares me even though some of them are my ideas....I recently listened to a the radio show ďlove lineď, where doctor drew mentioned that people who have been together since high school should not make a long lasting relationship with each other because when it goes bad they donít know how to end it. He got to my head because I keep thinking about it...I really feel like I love her, but on the other hand I would like to be single to see how it is, to see what kind of feeling it is to not have to make plans for the weekend and just go out with your friends after a hard depressing time at work. But then I just can not imagine being apart from her, I can't picture my life without her, and I also feel a little jealous about knowing that she would find someone new to feel intimate with as selfish as it sounds....I donít know what to do I am so confused...In the past few years I have been hit on my women a lot, I feel like I am an attractive in shape man and its hard to resist womenís advances even though I never gave in to them. Currently I am having a total crush on a woman that is totally not my type, she has a baby by another man and has no college education, but yet I feel so attracted to her.....Sorry if this whole story is just a zigzag thru my emotions, but it feels good telling someone about it because most of the time im a tough guy who has to listen to peoples problems and keep his emotion bottled up....what is going on with me, is this a sign for it to be over or am I just experiencing something normal that every couple is going thru after some time....??? Advice
You sound like you are looking for more freedom.

You've been together for so long that you've forgotten who you are and mostly think of yourself as a couple. It's no wonder that you are feeling the need some room to figure out who you are.

Then there's the stress of the job. Dealing with other's emotions is not easy. And then you see many of your buddies letting off steam and you feel pressured to stay with your girl. You are ready to move on with life and she is still in school.

Maybe it is time for you to ask for a break so you can try out living on your own for a while. Yes, you will feel jealous about your girl doing the same, but that goes with the deal. This might be a good time since she is still in school and has a supporting framework to help her through it if she suffers.

Your fighting and sex life are definitely a bad sign and you need to do something. The temporary break is one approach. Another is to see a couples counselor for help. She may have access to this through her school's health services.

Deal with this soon because it might affect your job.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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