detrimental rebound and downward spiral

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago after a pretty nice relationship. We were quite the match, but only post-relationship realized why something wasn't right. Basically, we had trouble opening up to one another. Soon enough we got in the fight we always avoided. Both said things we regret, acted like children, but we agreed that the friendship at the foundation of the relationship was something we cherished and absolutely couldn't let die away.

One of her friends enlightened me recently as to a few things. First, she has repeatedly lied to her best friends who she used to see every day, and they haven't seen each other for weeks (and this is within a college dorm). Second, she got involved with a new guy (rebound, I'm guessing to get her mind off of our issues) a couple weeks ago who they all hate (I have yet to meet him), but apparently he's pulling her into a downward spiral. He convinced her to drop a class to spend more time with him, won't leave her side, and she never studies/works anymore. Her roommate can't even sleep in her own bed anymore because they refuse to leave the room. Worst part: she told me many times she doesn't want to lose her virginity until she's found someone she loves, but this guy has told her friends he plans on "breaking her in," knowing very well she'd never believe what he said if her friends informed her. Her friends don't understand how this radical transformation from diligent, loving, cheerful social butterfly to a lazy, resentful, uncaring girl could have occurred. We all want to help her before it's too late. What can we do??? Advice
Sometimes you have to leave someone alone to make their own mistakes.

She seems to be making a lot of them now. My guess is that she will come to her senses pretty soon. If you still have any contact with her assure you that you are there to help her and that you still care for her.

Other than that, there's not much you can do to keep another adult out of trouble.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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