Should I still call her and try to spend time with her?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I am a 20 year old male and i have just been broken up with by a girl who i truly adore. We were together for eleven months and it was incredible all the things we had in common. We were the type of couple that could finish each others sentences and read each others minds. We had all the same interests and are both christians. The time we spent together was so wonderful , and it is very hard for me to now be without her. I had grown to love her and would do anything to get her back. She broke up with me after an argument we had about something trivial. What happened is that it started out as questioning and led into more serious arguing. What really hurt me is that she said that she knew she would have to sometime break up with me to see if she what she wanted. This was surprising because always before she told me she was happy and didnt want to be with anyone else. I asked her what was I supposed to do? I felt hurt and felt that she expected me to wait around while she explored other relationships and situations. She has been spending time with another guy, although i dont believe that it is a full relationship thing, since they have been friends for a while anyway...but i dont know. Well we used to talk every day and laugh and share our troubles, but now i feel like when i call it will bother her and she will not be as responsive. Also I dont want her to feel like i am desperate. I mean i want to get back with her and ive told her that, but when i call her i just want to hear that sweet voice and know how her day went. Also I still want to spend time with her but I dont want her to think that it has to be a "date" but only just to spend time together and HAVE FUN. I have reviewed the things that i felt may have caused her to leave me and i told her how i was going to change them. I just dont know how to tell if she even wants me to bring up me still loving her or even spend time with her. I miss her soo much and think about her all the time. I just think that by giving it a second chance our relationship could work out the few things we had wrong and be better. So should i call? should i ask her to visit or hang out? should i tell her how i feel? any help will be appreciated because i am very confused and hurt.

BH Advice
It is really too soon to make a judgement on her feelings.

Time needs to pass to get a feelings for things. Ask her if you can call her every so often (once a week?) to ask how she is doing and to let her know you still care for her. Be cheerful and don't talk about your relationship. This will give her the space she needs and give you the contact you need.

It's probably too early for you to hang out together. Wait a while to ask for that.

Hope things turn out well for you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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