We Argued, We Lied, He Left

Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Me and my ex-boyfriend have not been together in a relationsip for a year and a half. I love him with all my heart and I believe that he cares for me too. Well back in January we decided to be friends and work things out. At first they were going good and then we started to argue again. About 3 weeks ago he came over and one of my male friends called. I lied to him and told him that it was a female. Well he proceeds to tell me that he has a friend to so, it doesn't matter.

We have a child together and I keep trying to talk to him. But, he is upset about the guy calling my house. I want to know what I should do to try to get him to talk to me. He tells me that he is over me but, you cannot get over a person in 2 weeks. Not after 6 years and all that you did for a person and the time you spent with that person.

How can I get him to talk to me or should I just move one with my life.

Our Suggestion:
Well, first off, he didn't get over you in 2 weeks. You guys had been apart for a year and a half. That is PLENTY of time for people to get over each other - especially if they fought all the time. You guys even tried to be friends again and started fighting again, pretty much proving that you had serious issues interacting with each other.

So then your next act is to blatantly lie to him? One of the CORNERSTONES of any relationship is trust. If he can't even trust you to tell him the truth about something silly and small, how can he trust you when something more serious comes along? Trust is earned and built. The small issues in life are only training grounds for the much more serious issues that come along later. If you can't even make it past the small issues without trouble, it pretty much indicates that when the larger issues come up, you won't handle them any differently.

You really need to ask yourself WHY you lied to him, why you fought with him. These things don't just "happen". You deliberately chose to lie. You deliberately chose to argue rather than soothe things over. These aren't things you do with a person you love, care for and respect.

I would talk to a minister, therapist or someone else in your life about this, and be brutally honest. Unless you can get a handle on why you are acting the way you are, you'll probably never have a chance of either rebuilding a life with your ex or trying to start a new one with a new guy.

--Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com