Saying Sorry @ RomanceClass -
We will be cordial

T - I am so sorry if I pushed you away after my father died. I will never know what was really in your heart, and if you were seeing her before he got sick - but the one thing I do know is after he passed away I started to build a wall and push you away. The one man who truly loved me passed away and I just couldn't handle it...such a loss - and the one I wanted to love me broke up with me -all within three weeks. I have been devistated. I truly loved you so very much. I still do, and will be glad when the day comes that I don't. I am so sorry that I started throwing some of your past issues in your face...I didn't even do it conciously - it was subconcious..and I know that had to have hurt on some level even though you weren't in love with me. I don't know if it was all because of my fathers passing - or deep down I knew that you still loved Margaret - that you were never going to get over her or of you were already communicating with or seeing her.
I understand that people can't help who they love - including me. And I do have great love - and my heart hurts at the thought that I may have deeply wounded yours. I probably didn't and you don't think a thing of it as you have most asuredly moved on with your life. I just wish I could let you know that I would never do or say anything to hurt you intentionally. And I wish you both all the best - and hope your lives are filled with great love and laughter. I wish it hadn't just all dissolved overnight... We were so made for each other - we really had so much in common...and I would have loved you forever - but your heart was already taken - and there wasn't room in your life for another woman. Lord knows there were too many of those between three ex wives, and ex girlfriend, four daughters, and two sisters one whom you speak to on a dialy basis. No, it never was about you and me. It was always about you, Cathy and Margaret. I didn't fit and deep down I knew it. In the end - I did retaliate - I am so sorry. I just wish I could tell you these things. I wish you could know what is truly in my heart. But if I see you - we will have to pretend our lives never mixed. We will be cordial - and like we don't know each other... I am so sad that I will never get the opportunity to say these things to you. I wish I could move on with my life as quickly as you have - and I am - but I have to say I have loved you as intensely as I did my very first love...that doesn't happen often in a lifetime. It is too bad that it wasn't reciprocal. And I do so deserve to have someone in my life who loves me dearly. I do deserve to be number one in the life of the man that I love and who loves me back. I know that in all reality you have given me the opportunity to go out and possibly find just hurts so much when my heart is torn because it belongs to someone who doesn't want it and never really did. You tried, but yours was taken.
I am sorry..
- S


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