Saying Sorry @ RomanceClass -
I cannot get over the sorrow and pain

Time does not always heal all wounds. For me it has been over 12 years, and I would have thought that I should be whole again, but alas, I am not. What was it that made me love you so much? I wish I knew, but our souls were as one when we were near. There is hardly a day that goes by that I am not thinking of you, what you are doing, are you married, how are your kids? But I suppose what encumbers me the how I hurt you so much!

I cannot get over that sorrow and pain. For years I have been it's prisoner. My life has been so very lonely since then. I made so many mistakes, I am such an idiot. What got into me....I keep asking myself. I lost my emotional compass and teetered on the edge of insanity. When I saw you crying and alone, it would drive me nuts, but there was nothing I could do. I know you probably can't understand it, how I would not talk to you, or leave when you came by. I was so afraid...yet so in love with you. It was was a special time for those few months we were together in Georgia. But the mistakes I made and my bad decisions caused my downfall. When I was called into the directors office I was so afraid. He pulled out the very love letters I wrote and pictures I drew for you, and you alone. He waved them in my face, flaunting my most inner feelings, tearing out my soul and leaving it for dead. He told me not only to stay away from you, not talk to you....but if he heard one word that I was even looking at you...I was gone and my career was over. It was for this reason I avoided you, that I was wounded and was hurting so much.

I never meant to hurt anyone, especially you! I don't know if I can ever love anyone again like I love you. To see you crying in class broke my heart and soul....I just couldn't stand it....knowing the pain you were in.

Lastly, I remember like it was yesterday the last time we looked into each others eyes. I remember your face, your expression as I looked into your soul for the last time. After the class photograph and graduation...I never saw you again. I still bleed from that wound, my heart still beats your rythm, the soul still linked in a way I cannot understand. I am so very sorry for hurting you. I never meant it to end in such a horrible way. It was a mistake I will pay for the rest of my life. Though it seems God has abandoned me, I pray that He grants you and your family a long and happy life.


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