Saying Sorry @ RomanceClass -|
I haven't said sorry to her in person
I feel a bit stupid saying this, I don't need advice...input...nothing. I just need to say it and see if I can get her and everything else out of my mind and heart. Anyway here it goes..
I've been hurt in the past, who hasnt...though I've only been hurt twice by two people I considered myself to be in love with. I completely shut everyone and anyone who wanted to be near me out, until I met you. I would have never thought I'd have a chance with you...in fact I never would have thought I'd ever spoken to you.
Different in every way possible yet we still found a way to hook up and find that we both liked eachother...no we both loved eachother. Staying on the phone talking from four in the afternoon to three in the morning we never threw it in the open that we were hooking up or liked eachother. I suppose it was for the best, you told me you'd never hurt me and I promised I'd never hurt you.
But we both broke that promise in a way, I couldn't let you into my heart the way you wanted to and you couldn't decide whether you wanted me or your ex in your life. I can't remember exactly how it ended...I just remember hearing from your best friend that you had hooked back up with him. I guess that was my breaking point. I just stopped talking to you.
I'd pass you in the hall and wouldn't say a thing even if you tried to stop me I'd keep going...avoiding contact as if you were the plague. I'd let the phone ring if I saw your number on the ID. A few months passed and I forgot about you, I buried you in my mind like I did the others, until you picked up the phone and called me again.
At that moment every feeling I had for you returned and I was once again in love...just from the sound of your voice. I hated myself for easily falling back into your graces and I promised I wouldn't do it. And once again I put you out of my head and heart until I saw you...
Damn if my heart didn't skip four times and explode at the sight of your eyes. We exchanged words and you told me to give you a call...Give you a call. I hesitated and nodded my head doing what I promised myself I'd never do again...I said I'd call you. And sure enough I did but it wasn't there anymore, not for you anyway. I remember your tone of voice and the way you said Hello...the way you asked why was I calling you...haha..yea thats a good question.
Why was I calling you? I remember laughing nervously, a tear running down my face as I said. "I'll call you later...I've got to do something.". Once you said OK I hung up and went my way...I still think of you from time to time and wonder if you think of me. I want to say I'm sorry for not being what you wanted to be.
(I haven't said sorry to her in person...yet I want to...but the fear of being hurt resides in my heart and head. But I'm building up my courage to say those two words.)
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