Saying Sorry @ RomanceClass -|
I Was in a 4 year relationship with a guy that i truly loved
I Was in a 4 year relationship with a guy that i truly loved and at a point i really did beleive that we were going to be together forever. i don't know i guess when you're young and you fall in love for the first time you don't beleive that anything can go wrong but in my case it did and it left prints in my heart. Prints that haunt me every night.The relationship ended and later that year i met someone else that i instantly fell for. I never really did think that i could feel so strong for someone else especially after my relationship had just ended, but i did. We started as friends and at points fears would enter my heart because there was something about his ways that always had me doubting.. I never did trust him i tried to tell him many times that maybe it was best for us to stop talking that i didn't want to fall for him, but he was so persistant. I still don't understand why my heart wouldn't open up to him.I couldn't tell him how deep i was falling for him, maybe it was fear of rejection or maybe just fear, but after being left behind once you're heart starts taking precautions. I might of not trusted him but he really did know how to treat a lady. I had never felt so protected and sure of myself. I felt as if i was dreaming. He was everything i wanted. Our friendship prolonged until i had enough. I started to realize that by us not establishing a relationship or by not having security I was only hurting myself. I never did feel sure about him. I beleived what i wanted to beleive my hopes started diminishing. He always said we would do something and i'd always wait and wait but he would never come through. I finally told him how i felt but as much as he insisted that he felt the same way as i did my heart wouldn't let him through. Is funny he would say that i was a hard person. I still don't know what that means. Im moving on with my life again and is so hard. I pray to god to maybe one day find someone that will be good to me. I'm alone once again... Sometimes i still think or wonder about J*. At times when i feel alone i think about calling him just to say hi, but i remember the reason why i let him go and that helps me be strong.I can't dig up something that is buried. The one thing i'm sorry for is for beleiving something that was never there but on my mind, and even though this might confuse whoever is reading this i often tell myself " If J* was ever in front of me " i would tell him how sorry i am, sorry that my heart and fears wouldn't let me love him.
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