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I can't say the words

She's my friend. And I'm pathetically in love with her. It took me 3 years before I realized that I was in love. Our communication is simple. I tease her to hide the fact that I care. I put on a mask of sneering confidence to hide that when I'm around her I can barely think straight. She teases me back because she thinks my reactions are funny. She's completely at ease around me because whatever I do, I can't imagine ever hurting her and she knows it.
She smiles and teases. I sometimes wonder and dream that she's giving me a hint. Maybe if I reach out I could find out whether that's true or not. But I'm too shy. All I can do is blush and scowl. Then I sneer again, hide again. I put on my mask. I'm a good actor. Who can tell?
"I was really glad to see you again." I read the words again and again. Her words. A million miles away in another country and she still makes my heart ache. Denial, forgetting, distractions. I take them by the bucket-load. I'm still too shy to say the words. 3 simple words. I can't even say them to myself. So I just sit down and weep.






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