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I Got Him Back
I met him when i was 16 years old. He was everything i ever wanted in a person. dirty blonde hair, Beautiful blue eyes, and so tall he went on for miles. At first our love ran wild and true. He was going on his 18th birthday and i guess you can say i was his high school sweetheart. He'd run to my house almost 7 miles every day just to see me for a few minutes and run back home.
For some reason I got lost in the mix. I seen that we were getting real serious and being so young and immature it scared me so i ran the other way. I broke up with him. He was my best friend. I know people say that all the time but he really was. the boy version of me.
We still remained best friends after we broke up just like before. He was still so in love with me and i gave him lame excuses of why i didn't want him. Then i suddenly got with a marine. Time after time T would see him hurt me. he cheated on me and lied to me and countless times i'd cry to him and break down. until one day i truly knew t loved me. I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and i just broke down and cried in T arms. As he held me and comforted me i felt his love. He could have said i told you so or said i had it coming to me but he didnt. He just showed the love he had for me.
When that guy and i finally broke up i tried dating t again. But once again i ran scared. Letting him down once again. I got back together with that marine and again, he cheated and broke my heart. And again T was there for me...even after me crushing him a second time. Time went by and i let go of my ex (for good) and There was t. Still there. Still waiting. Still wanting to be with me.
Once more i tried to T again. But again we were on two different pages. After high school T changed and honestly i didnt like the person he was. I started dating a man named j. And i found myself in the same situation. A man who treated me like dirt. I put up with that for a year. i watched t get into partying and loosing himself. Just like i did 2 years ago. When j and i broke up T broke down and called me telling me he was still in love with me and wanted to be with me. So i gave him another chance.
Everything was great for me. A couple weeks went by but we never went exclusive. It just turned into me going to his house all the time. Doing things couples do but i wasn't his girlfriend. Something was wrong. This wasnt my t. MY best friend.
all of a sudden he told me he didnt want to be with me. And that the single life is what he seeked. I finally felt all the pain i put him thru. almost 3 weeks went by. i ached for him. I cried myself to sleep and i couldn't keep it together. I tried to talk to him and beg for a chance. But his friends had a lot to do with his decision.
One night i asked him to come over to my house. Still broken up i was shooken up and scared. Planning my attempt to get him back, before he came over i asked him to think about us and what he was letting go. almost 3 years of fighting for me he let it go so fast. He came over and we sat in my living room. Awkward and broken i brought up us. I can see it written on his face he didnt want me anymore. I waited too long. i had the man of my dreams in front of me for this whole time and i let it go. I brought it on myself i thought. Then he looked me in the eyes and he told me "I dont want to be with you" i felt a new kind of pain. a new kind of heartbreak. I knew that this was love and i couldn't live without him. Holding back all i could not to cry he got up to leave. As i walked him out i hugged him good-bye. I felt like this was it. He was letting me go for good. That once he left my drive way he will no longer be "My T." I cried in his arms as he held me. I felt my best friend still there. like he always done when a man broke my heart. As i cried and he held me i knew right then and there that he was the only one i ever needed in my life. After him breaking my heart he still found a way to comfort me.
But he left that night. as i watched him turn the corner i fell to my knees and begged God for him to come back.
The next night i was staying at my friend w's house. Trying to forget about the man who broke my heart i was laughing and was having a good time. T called me telling me he was going to bed. (like he always does) saying our good nights i hung up and went about my night. Less than a hour later i my phone rings. looking at the caller ID i see T. Then and there i knew exactly why he was calling. On the other line he told me that he made a mistake last night and he needed to talk to me. he said he will come see me tomorrow and talk to me but i told him to write me on myspace. he did so and wrote: "This is hard to say but I was WRONG... Lately in my life I've been letting everybody run my life for me.. it's like I've been some puppet that everyone has on a string with no control over my own thoughts or actions. I've finally come to see that how I've been is not the way I want to be.. I don't wanna hang out with people that make me wanna do stupid stuff. I don't want to be the guy that's doing what everyone else is. I don't want to go chasing random girls who have nothing for me and lose myself along the way. I thought really hard about this tonight and when it comes down to it.. I've been thinking for other people and not myself.. The "decision" I made about you, thinking that a relationship is not worth it and I need to be single to have fun, I was stupid as hell. I really thought back tonight to all the little things that YOU do and the effect you have in my life. NO other girl could ever take your place, NO other girl could ever make me smile the way you do, NO other girl can love me the way you do.. I could not be happy without you.. I've tried it for 2 years now and it didn't work.. Why the hell would I try it now?? I've taken soooo much advice from other people that I've forgotten to listen to my own self.. to listen to my heart.. Yes it's still there and Yes it hurts without you. Last night I felt how much I love you when I held you by your door.. I felt the pain of losing you and the pain that I caused you.. it was like God had punched me in the heart and shocked my whole body right down to my very soul. When I left your house I was on the way home and burst in to tears thinking of you and how much I love you.. how stupid I was for making that mistake.. You don't know how much I just wanted to jump in my car and drive back to you last night to be with you. I've been so heartless and that's just not me. I told you I needed time to think and for a few days I felt pressured to make a decision. I didn't want to make a decision based off of what you were telling me and how you were trying to convince me because in the end that would be wrong. I've made this decision for me, MYSELF. I love you and would want nothing more than to be with you until the day I die. My heart tells me that we are meant to be and the world stops in time when I think about you. I love you sooo much.
Love always and forever, T"
Ever since this letter i finally found what i was looking for years ago. i got "my T" back. and this next day we got back together and im happy so say we're happy and going strong. And there is nothing more i want in this world than to be with him <3
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