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I first met saw him in church. I was visiting though I go to a church of the same religion. He came out of a room and I thought he was one of the most handsomest guys I had ever personally seen. The church light beamed on him making him look ever more better. But I just settled for that, it wasn't love at first sight. I just thought he was really cute.
One of my best friends asked how i liked this new church i visited and i told her that I thought it was pretty good and ended up spilling the beans about this cute guy i saw. She knows how picky I can be with guys so she was curious to see how he looked like. She came with me the next time and I kind of pointed him out to her. She agreed with me, he was beautiful. She thought he boyfriend was much "hotter" though. But still, I wasn't in love. Or even crushed yet. I just thought he was cute.
Later my young Uncle introduced me to him. He didn't know I thought he was cute or anything he just did so to help me get to know more people there. My uncle said, "Hey this is my niece", and he said, "Oh hey I'm Nathan." He smiled and shook my hand, which is something we do in church. I answered by saying "Hi, nice to meet you Nathan." Tom later on told me about Nathan, I didn't ask him, he just told me. He talked about how Nathan had a hard life before and stuff. I understood, I know what a hard life is, and I could relate even though we weren't passing through the same thing. By understanding some of his life and loss of his mom as a child, I started getting a crush on him.
The next time I saw him he asked me, "Hey, uh I didn't get your name?" I answered, "Oh uh its ----. Oh and your Nathan right?" he smiled, chuckled a bit & said, "Yeah that's me". The whole time I was smiling and staring into his beautiful sparkling brown eyes; he was staring back into mine too, however, I felt like I was the one who was getting the better view.
I continued visiting, I started going there more then I was going to my home church. I would make small talk to Nathan but I was afraid of telling him I had a crush on him. He was so amazingly handsome and I was so ordinary.
I didn't get much time to build up my courage. He moved back in with his father in another city about an hour or so away. He could no longer stay where he had been staying. At first he would try and visit but then they stopped. I asked some lady named Henrietta i knew who knew his family how he was doing. They told me he was okay. I didn't get much info.
A month or two later, one of my uncle's friends who I also knew invited me to a birthday get together at a fancy restaurant. A lot of youth were going to be there as he had told me. I went, I was hungry after all. When we got there the first person I saw that I cared for seeing was Nathan. He said hi to my Tom & then came over to me. I was really surprised to see him there. He lived about an hour away! He came up to me, gave his really beautiful smile, said hey, & shook my hand. The hand shake stopped and we were there for a few seconds staring into each other's eyes smiling and still holding hands. I felt like it was only me and him. Everyone around me seemed invisible and those seconds seemed to last forever. I would have wanted them to, too.
As we were walking from the parking lot into the restaurant, with my uncle
he smiled in my direction and asked me," Hey were you asking this lady about me", I couldn't believe that lady would actually tell him I was asking for him! I very quickly denied it. And told him I didn't even talk to any lady named Henrietta and had no clue what he was talking about. Then I quickly entered into the restaurant so he wouldn't be able to tell by my face that I was lying. Soon we sat down in these two large tables with all the rest of the youth people. Apparently Nathan was liked by more than just me because lots of girls were nearly fighting to sit by him. They looked pretty ridiculous doing that. I didn't want to be one of them so I sat near my uncle and the birthday boy.
After we all had finished eating and then singing happy birthday to the birthday boy we took a group picture. Then we just continued to hang out and started walking over to Nathan to talk, he looked in my direction and smiled. I was almost to him when the crowd of girls completely surrounded him and started flirting. They kept complementing him on how good he looked & all. I couldn't get through them and I definitely was not going to join them. If I flirt I prefer to do it when it's only me and that other person. I gave up and went to sit with some other youth girls who weren't too busy flirting with Nathan. I looked in his direction, just as he looked into mine. He gave me a confused smile. I half smiled back at him. My uncle who was my ride went home a little early and I didn't get a chance to talk to Nathan after that.
I should have done something to try and talk to Nathan. Only I didn't know that it would be the last time I would see him in months. I stopped visiting that church as much. I would still visit, I did make friends but I didn't have that same want to visit that certain church as often anymore. I later found out that after many months he got a girlfriend close to where he lived. He visited again, I chose to visit that day too. Not that I had known he would be there with his new girlfriend. I saw him enter with his brown shirt and girlfriend. I was somehow crushed that he was there with a girlfriend so I chose to ignore him. Everyone went to say hi to him, everyone but me and one of my church friends that didn't talk to him much. I walked right past him. He saw me and smiled at me. But when I met eyes with him I didn't smile back. I just kept walking and looked away. Plus I wasn't going to talk to him without wanting to flirt with him one-on-one and I was not going to do that while he had a girlfriend.
More months went by. I hadn't seen him in so long. Yet I couldn't forget him. I found out that he soon had broken up with his girlfriend a small time after the last time I had seen him. I didn't know if what I felt for him was still just a crush or what. I wasn't sure. I tried to forget him but it seemed impossible. I found out that he had gone to visit that church a couple of times after I had last seen him but since I had stopped visiting again I didn't see him. After a while when I did start visiting again, he had already stopped visiting and gone back to just going to his home church in that town about an hour away.
I also went back to going only to my home church. Once in a while I would visit just to see the friends I had made but it made me feel sad whenever I went. I would look at that door, the door I first saw him come out of. The first time I saw his face. I had never felt anything like this for anyone before. I tried meeting other guys that were cute and talking to them but it wasn't the same. I couldn't forget him. I found out that Nathan was doing bad and that he was getting out of church and stuff weren't working out for him. Since I still couldn't forget him I prayed for him. Prayed that he would come back into church and have a good relationship with God. And that he would be happy once again. That things would work out.
People told me that he was doing better. I still hadn't seen him in so long. Yet I still couldn't forget him. I tried forgetting that crush by getting another crush but it just couldn't work. I tried getting involved but nothing seemed to work. I had no idea why I couldn't just get him out of my mind. I'm sure he had forgotten me by now.
I decided to go to the mall one day. I usually dress up when going somewhere but I didn't care to today. After all I was just going to grab something and get out. I had a messed up pony tail and "whatever" clothes on. I saw that there was a store that had quit a bit of people, guess they had a sale or something. I decided to go in and find out. When I went in with my younger sister I turned to my left and saw him there. He turned at the same time and our eyes met once more. He smiled at me with his same amazing smile and started making his way through the crowd to come to talk to me. And I just panicked! I had so many butterflies in my stomach I thought I was going to puke. I knew that I looked horrible so I ran away from him. He started to look for me but I pulled my sister and ran deeper into that store then hid behind this larger guy. I hid there until he gave up looking and got out of the store. I wanted to slap myself for doing that. I should have. I had an opportunity right there and then. He had no current girlfriend, we weren't with the youth so the crowd of girls wouldn't show up just as I was about to talk to him. But I was not dressed up rly nice & panicked.
That was the last time I saw him.
In person at least. I found out that this one girl from church that had been one of my friends got with him. I also found out that my praying for him got answered. He returned to God. He's really in love with him now. I'm very happy for him for returning to God, for its the better way. So this girl, she confessed her love for him. Apparently she had loved him for 6 years. People were very surprised that he would even date her, she's not the most beautiful chick around. But at least she's Christian and helps him learn to love God and trust him more. I wonder if she would pray to God for him like I did. She stopped talking to me. Just concentrated on her new boyfriend Nathan.
It was New Years Eve. They had a church thing at that same church I used to visit. My parents went, so did my sister. But I stayed home with my other little sister who was a little sick. Too sick to go out on a cold night. But I didn't want my parents and other sister to miss it so I told them I would watch her for them. Turns out Nathan was there, with his girlfriend. My sister told me that she saw Nathan and Nathan saw her & recognized her and started looking around for someone. He never found that someone it seems. He kept looking until he had given up.
A little after that though he broke up with that girl. He started visiting that one church again. I wasn't visiting there. My father said he was tired of me skipping my church to visit that one. He didn't understand. When he finally began understanding and I started going he had once again stopped visiting. Soon that girl convinced him to get back with her.
I found out that he had been recently having heart problems and when he was visiting that church again he had once collapsed in the lobby. He was young though, he shouldn't have been having heart problems. They found two holes in his heart and he went to the hospital for 3 days after one of his collapses. I didn't find out about that some youth including one of my guy cousins that knew him went to visit him during one of those days until after the three days had passed.
I hear he's doing better. It's only been a few months since the new years thing happened. But I still haven't seen him. Yet I still remember him. And I can't forget him. I pray that he gets better and that he's happy and healthy once again. Because he has had to pass through many hard times already, I don't want him to suffer anymore, to feel weird because he's a young person suffering a heart sickness. I want him to be happy no matter how its going to be. Because I guess we weren't actually meant to be. So I want him happy. Even if it is going to be with that one girl who is not that beautiful for him, but does say she loves God so she could help him. I only wish to once again see him. Because I can't forget him. Because I think what I feel for him is more then just another crush. I think I love him.
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