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I feel like a fool, How many times are you going to fall into the same trap? its been 1 month since she moved out and you continue to contack her every change you get. I know we have two kids together and what i doing only hurts me and them. After she cheated the last time things have never been the same. I have no trust in her and i have my reason. Now that she found her new job she feels liberated a good thing i suppose. i dont know how much of this i am going to take. After what she did today i think its going to be a better transition for me i can finnally cut the bullshit and move on. its going to be hard on my wallat but with good managing skills that i know i can stablish i will be okay. She said she cared but it was not only one time she did it, Her first job after our dauther that was the beggining of years of not trusting her, i forgive her after that time because i tought i had a lot of fault in my side. Thats the way i justified her cheating the first time, why do i still feel like it was my fault she cheated i continue to justify her actions by blaming myself. as i am writting this i fell that it is still my fault. i can shake that idea from my head. Shortly after that incedent we broke up she whent to her fathers and i stayed were we lived. Our plans where to take some time off and, during that time she found someone also. It was hard for me because i know the guy. she told me af firts they where only friends and that its all. I never found anyone during our first break up................................okay moving on. this is the current chapter. after a second child we have separated again. as a write this she is out with her friends from work having fun. it hurts so much that i dont know how to express it. .............am i going to be okay tomorrow i hope i will. only time will tell i need to feel better for the sake of our kids and everything that i have worked for its not much but it means alot to me and my family. Move on and forget, i hope she dosent come visit me after being out with her friends those encounters only make me weaker. i think she wants me to be weaker..............evil person.....
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