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Thing called "LOVE"
For the past months, it has become my habit to start and end my day with a very special person, my boyfriend. i make it a point that he'sthe first person to know that im already awake or will be dozing off.
During those months, my views in life changed. sinmple things, which are of no use to me before, lifts up my spirit, leaving me vibrant. and then i fathomed that im so fulfilled because of him.
he is not an exraordinary person.he's not the kind of guy who can turn you on at first glance. he has vives, isn't intelligent, and has grown up in a not-so-impressive environment. he's not the type who'll spoil you nor do romantic things that'll tickle every inch of you. he's confessed so many unlikely things that brought tears to my nights. all he is, is a person who caught my heart.
i become so engrossed with him. At first, i was fooling myself. I always wanted to think that i am in full control of everything. It even came to a point that I am already so afraid to show him how much i care for him, all because of my desire to have control. But i wasn't happy then, so i decided to let go off my feelings. And eventually, i just woke up one day realizing that I am already so attached to him. He became the center of everything I do. I'm careless and free whenever Im with him. He makes me feel loved. he makes me who I am now-- a new ME; a woman who knows how to express what she wants and feels, with self confidence, and a woman who deserves to have the best life could offer.
But indeed fate is very cruel. just as I am in the height of my emotions, he had to take him away from me; we had to literally, be separated. and along with that separation, communication was barely there, which made things more difficult for me. But despite of that, I kept on rationalizing what's going on with him there. I accepted and understand his reason even if its so unclear to me. i never gave up on him hoping that he would realize how difficult it is to keep assuming, and would realize how much I love him.
I tried to live my life just like before. I habg out with friends, laugh, and loiter. but at the end of the day, the moment im stucked in the four corners of my room, reality starts to sink-- the reality that I am so empty now...
Can i still call him mine when he seems close enough for me to touch, but not quite close for me to hold?..
A lot of things in us was blurred because of separation. But one thing remained clear in me -- my love for him which tells me to hold on and keep going...
That's how stupid I am because of a bullshit thing called "LOVE"
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