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Im not sure what this is... I think I've fallen in love but I dont really know. I dont even know exactly what love feels like. I met an old friend of mine on facebook. We havent seen or spoken to each other for 5 years. The last time we saw each other was when we both were in the 5th grade where we both hardly knew each other. I had a crush on him though back then but I dont know why I did. I didnt even talk to him much and he was always kind of shy and didnt hang out much with other people besides his best friend who I was quite close friends with. That crush didnt last long though. Well after that one year we both moved away and to different places. As years went by I changed a lot and so did he. When he finally found me on facebook we started talking right away. It was different though, I mean he didnt talk to me like before when we were in fifth grade where he seemed to be in a hurry to leave or act all shy. He seemed happy to talk to me and to catch up on things and look at the past. We were so surprised though that we both had a lot of things in common. We continued to talk to each other a lot and I told him that I liked him and he liked me as well but then later on I told him that I didnt want my first relationship to be long distance... so he didnt talk to me for awhile. For some reason I regret that now... We began to talk to each other again and he forgave me. I have so much fun talking to him and he's the first boy I've spoken to so easily in such a long time. The last time I've had a really close guy friend was in middle school and we were just a bunch of kids then but now with this guy we talk about serious problems and all these things just going on around us. He encourages me in, I guess, in trying. I try to make my life better because of him. I think talking to him just makes me feel better about myself. Bleh. I dont know, he just makes me feel really good! I think Im really falling for him even though hes miles away and I dont get to see his face often I just feel really happy talking to him. When I first got to talk to him again and we were catching up on each other's life I found out that he was in a horrible state. He was in a pretty bad depression and when I got to see him on webcam he had such a gloomy face it made me really upset. I've gone through that stage he had been in. I knew how horrible life can be sometimes and so what I wanted soo badly at that point was make him smile. I finally got to make him smile and I was really happy about that too. Seeing him all gloomy makes me feel kind of sad so I try everything I can to try to make him smile and to help him with his problems. He can also make me laugh at times and he also helps me with my problems. It just makes talking to him so great. I think if he lived nearby rather than so far away I might just go after him but...
Today when I was talking to him he suddenly mentions a name. It was his so called "important person" that he hadnt spoken to in a long time. Right before he had mentioned her I was thinking, "Am I in love with him?" But when he mentioned her... I felt stupid for even thinking what I did. After I told him I was going to sleep and that he should have fun talking to his friend he wrote: "..."
I didnt mean anything by what I wrote simply being sincere of it all. Then he types that. What is "..." suppose to mean? I feel like he knows my feelings or something. And right now I just feel like he's tormenting me...
I really regret that time when I said that I didnt want a long distance relationship and completely screwed things up then. I kind of regret it soo bad. I know I like him but he must not like me anymore for that stupid thing that one time... It hurts to think that he might like some other girl now... Im such an idiot
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