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Slow and boring life
My life has always been slow and boring. I never expected love to wash over me and it hasn't. It came in flows, inching ever so slowly in my heart. I have known him for seven years and each year he has never once looked at me with yearning or anything close to love. I was just his close friend who was always there for him. It hit me a few years after I met him that he was exactly what I wanted. I never knew because he was just my friend, just another person to hug and say hello to in the morning. I realized how kind he was, how gentle, how he simply made me smile. He would always come to my rescue when I needed it and I looked up to him. I confessed to him one day out of the blue on the Internet and he said he thought I was pretty. The next day we started dating. I was too scared to talk to him, my hands were cold and wet so I didn't hold his hand, and the worst part was when we hugged. I messed it up, I forgot how to hug. He didn't do anything, never tried to help me make conversation or try to hold my hand first. I had to do everything and I didn't know at the time how wrong that was. Before the end of the week he told me on the phone he wanted to break up. I didn't cry or anything, instead we laughed and spoke on the phone for hours until early in the morning. Not about anything special or about the doomed relationship but light topics. It was most I had said to him in awhile. A year went by and I tried to forget him but every time I saw him my eyes were drawn to his face. Thoughts of him would pop up at times which made me feel lonely and miss him even more. We didn't talk to each other for a long time but my heart would race and my palms went icy whenever he was near. I tried liking other guys but then he started talking to me more. Our conversations were hours long and he was so sweet, so nice. Makes you wonder if you will ever find someone like him again, who happens to love you back. I'm not sure if he loves me but I know I'm the only girl who has been the closest to his heart and who knows him like the back of her hand. That must count for something. I'm not hoping for a relationship with him that probably will never happen but I want to be near him, by his side for however long it is. I want to share memories with him, make him smile, and maybe I will slowly naturally appear in his heart one day.
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