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i asked him if there was another girl. he said no

i had a best friend. we were inseparable. we liked each other but we never said it out loud. instead he'll send obvious hints while i respond back with equally obvious hints. in front of everyone, we acted like really good friends that people started to speculate if we were together. we did everything together. studies or others. we spent a great deal of time together since we lived in the same hostel in school.

however we quarrelled a great deal. soon he decided he had enough of these quarrels. he decided to call it quits. bad things didn't end there. i fell sick. very badly. i got back my semester results and it was horrible, i failed a module. i had to enter a competition which requires alot of emotional support from someone who means alot to me. He just simply walked out. i couldn't accept the abrupt departure. i clinged onto him as much as i could. it turned him off. he felt so repulsive and irritated with me all the time that he started yelling at me whenever we tried to talk things out.

i asked him if there was another girl. he said no. my gut feeling told me there is but i chose to trust him because he said he will only come back to me if i trusted him. i can't believe how foolish i was. slowly we didn't talk. however we still had some dealings in hostel and had to act like professionals. many people soon realise what happened but nobody wanted to tell me the truth that i wanted to know so badly.

soon he said he will never return to me because he found that i changed. no longer e one he loved. no longer e one he enjoyed being with. i couldn't cry out loud to any mutual friends because we were never officially together. i started blaming myself. blaming myself for everything bad that caused the relationship to turn sour. nobody said anything to me.

until one day i found him in a girl's room. i was devastated. i confronted him. he lied to me again. i demanded to know the truth. i found out they actually had an "affair" since 1month before we "broke up". i was hurt. very hurt that he lied to me and blamed me for the end of the relationship. they got together officially 2 months later.

after 1year i'm still affected by him. i realise i still can't put this burden down despite meeting better guys. i've missed out great chances of getting together with better guys too. its a scar in my heart. and will always be.






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