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He is part of my soul

I met this guy in my college. I never really spoke to him but liked the way he carried him self. I thought it was a crush as I hardly knew how he was as a person. I got admitted into a diff school for my masters and I left the city. I kept in touch with him through emails and messages. He replied to my emails but I could feel that he treats me just like another friend. I did not tell him how I felt abt him. I decided to move on. I just wanted to be friends. For a month or so he did not write to me. I did not either.

And then he wrote me and the tone of the email was not good. He was depressed for some reason so I called him and we spoke he had some personal problems. I wanted to be there for him. I was not expecting anything in return. I was just being there as a friend. Then months flew by and one day he told me he loves me. I was more than happy to hear that. I guy whom love like crazy told me that he loves me. I was on cloud nine.

And then it went on fine for an year. The person whom I loved was not the same. He was something else all together.
But then I feared loosing him. So kept taking the hurt. He never treated me well. He was never open with me. I wanted to get married. All that I wanted was to be with him bec I love him. Nothing else mattered to me.

One day I got an email from a girl. She told me that this guy has actually been in a relation with 2 of us. I wanted to confirm. It turned out to be true.

When I confronted him, he said.." Good that you abt it now. I have been killing my conscience and soul all these days. He asked me not to contact him." After 5 yrs of love that is what I got..I am very depressed and cant stop thinking of him. I still love him. He hurt me but I still love him. I want him to be happy. He can go and be with any one he likes. What matters to me is his happiness. I know I can never get over him. He is part of my soul.

Thanks.
L






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