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Caroline..A Love long Lost...

Caroline..A Love long Lost...

Let me start by saying it was a summers day when I first lay eyes on small, pretty and petite..and oh how she looked so beautiful when the wind blew in her hair..and covered her face just slightly. Her dark brown hair and eyes and high cheekbones and a smile that would make any man stop in their tracks. She was the complete package, good personality, friendly and smart, and above all, beautiful.

Her name was Caroline..and it may have been fate that brought us together that night at the club when she approached me, a shy introverted type, slight of build and babyfaced. I stood there and saw her coming my way. I put my head down as she approached me, and said. “Hey come on now...chin up.” She stroked my chin with her thumb as I stood and smiled at this gorgeous woman in front of me. I shyly asked her to dance. One dance turned into two as by nights end, she was in my arms as we talked about ourselves..the schools we attended and where we grew up. We talked of love and life..and I knew I was falling in love fast with this beautiful angel of a girl.

A few more dates and now we were going steady. I was so proud to have her near me, showing her off as we held hands and stayed close whenever we went out. Everyone knew we were in love and make love we did. Soon we got a place together, as I recall how she excitedly wanted to add curtains here and pillows there. I grabbed her and kissed her deeply and told her how much I loved her and would never hurt her or let her go. She held me ever so tightly and said “You better not.”

Three years turned and we’re still together. In all the good times and the bad, we always found each other and had each other for support. Her parents enjoyed me and my parents adored her, always asking when the big day would arrive. I figured once we have established our careers then I would ask her to marry me. But for now, we were living in the love as we talked about our futures walking on the beach on those warm summer nights. We would stop and hold each other, feeling the cool sand beneath us and the sound of the ocean. Her hair blowing in that mild sea breeze always gave me chills as it accentuated her gorgeous looks. I always loved to see her hair blowing this way. “If we ever make it..” she said..softly.."I want it to last forever." With that, I pressed my lips against her soft mouth, wanting that moment to last forever.

Even in times we were not together, either becaue she was with friends or at work, just to hear her soft voice calling on the phone with the simple "i love you's" or "be home soon" would erase any doubt of the love we had. I always looked forward to the plans we made, and the times we would spend.

As time went on..and as nightime turns do the fourth year I notice as suddenly as the seasons did she.

There were times when I would want to cuddle and she would just say she was tired or she would say not now. Or even when I wanted to go out, she would say she had plans with her friends that night..and so I too would just go out with my friends. We would argue more as I would ask her why she has slowly changed toward me. I would sit at the edge of the bed..face in hands confused by all this. Then one night..out of the clear we lay together..she tells me she was not happy. She told me she feels theres something more for her out there..and that she needs to go find it as if she can see tomorrow. Whatever it was that was out did not include me.

I begin to question her motives only to see her get upset and leave to her mothers house. Some nights I would wait up for her and she would not even show up to our place..the place we built together. On one occassion where she did come home..I told her whatever it was I did I was sorry...and she would say it was not me. I asked her if there was someone else and she said no. She simply said she could'nt move forward with me..with us and wanted to leave. She was crying and apologizing as she began to pack her things. All I could do was watch my sweet Caroline up and leave and throw away what we had for who she made it clear it was on her. I stood by the door..face down with watery eyes as she grabbed me and held me and said crying and in a shaky voice.."Come on now..chin up for me huh.." Speechless, I stood there as my heart was being handed to me and she left and closed the door behind her.

I went to the bedroom which appeared seemingly empty, devoid of the things she took with her. I notice a few scattered pictures and find one. A photo we took on the boardwalk some time ago..the happiness and joy we shared at that has come to this. I would have sold my soul just to go back to those better days, the love, the affection. Now, feeling empty and broken down, I pray she comes back..and try to think of ways I can get her back. Once on the phone in doing so..she said she really couldnt talk and that right now she needs me as a dear friend. My mother..who helped me through this..told me that to be her friend would be a huge mistake and that I would only be in for more heartache. Mothers are sure right about these things because I soon find out Caroline was seeing someone else. And for quite some time. As I understand it, one of her friends introduced them one night. To think I could trust her. I told her..I couldnt be he friend and we needed to make a clean break as she left me and I was in a world of hurt.

Time heals all all my pain and grief, thinking about the past with Caroline and the life we shared. I have since moved on..met an wonderful woman, taking things slow. Although some pain I can still feel whenever I pass them ole familiar places. I guess no one can truly get over such hurt completely. Now a little over a year, I have rebuilt my life with this new woman and have since bought a home together in a city some thirty miles away. Life has never been so much better.

I thought about Caroline every now and again, but nowadays I was so happy with the life I have now. It's been over a year since I saw Caroline..when one day..after visiting some old friends, I see her sitting alone at a coffee shop we used to go to in the same old town we used to live. Oh what the hell I say..I can still be civil about this. I open the door to step inside and as the door open, a gust of wind touches the back of her hair blowing it ever so gently. I hesitate for a moment, as the last time I saw her hair blowing like this is when we were at the beach during those summer nights gone past. My arms filled with goosebumps as I see her there. She sees me and gets up and yells my name. I go over to her slowly and we hug each other, and overjoyed with happiness her eyes begin to well with joy. God how beautiful she still looks, her dark flowing hair and gorgeous smile, dimples and those pretty brown eyes. Exactly how I remember her when we once were. I begin to tremble, a tear falls down my cheek. "..So good to see you again Caroline..gosh you look great." I said in amazement. "Look at you.." she says. "You look good yourself." She hugs me one more time. We get throuh talking about what we've been up to..and I tell her how I met my new love, moved and have a house now.

We catch up and talk for a while..then she turns to me and looks at me..almost girlish like with a certain innocense and says, "You know..the biggest mistake I ever made in life..was to let you go." I smiled and took another drink of coffee. "I always knew you had your shit look at you." she said, excited for me. "And ever stay with that guy?" I had to ask. "Naaaw.." she frowned. " just was'nt the now.. I only date." Then she grabbed my hand and asked. "Can you ever forgive me?" The way she said this I could tell she had been prepared to say this to me for quite some time. I chuckled and tell her its all in the past now and to forget about it. We start joking, shouting "Fuggit about it..fuggit about it."all the while laughing as we talked about days gone by and the "remember when you used to.." conversations. She still has that ol sense of humor and personality that attracted me to her. She always will. God she is still amazing..after all she put me through, the heartache, pain, sorrow..she is still a joy to be around. Any man on earth would be happy to have her..or maybe not..I dont know.

We talked a few more minutes before we both had to go. I walk her to her car and tell her its been nice to see her again and to take care. I hug her and embracing her..I can feel them ol feelings I once had for her begin to flow trying to stop myself. This would be us seeing each other and talking, holding each

She gets in her car, closes the door and opens the window. My head facing down, I am a little sad, but happy to see her go. "Come here.." she said softly and began to rub her thumb across my chin. "I know..I know..keep your chin up." I uttered. She smiled at me for what I knew would be the last time almost as if to say " got it." And with that started her car and waved goodbye. I stood in the parking lot as she drove off..catching glimpses of her hair blowing. To think I was once so in love with her. To think how much we both matured in the time we spent last. She has moved on now and so have I.

I decided to take the long way home through a road overlooking the ocean. I saw ol familiar places taking that route, and thought about the life we shared and what could have been. Then turning on the radio I hear this song come on by 7th Day Slumber. I turn up the song and pull my car listening intently. I am not feeling down or sad now, but am laughing as I listen to this song...called Caroline. How funny this this song reminded me of what I went through with Caroline. This was perhaps a test to see how I have coped, or if I would forgive. I have moved on and am now living a better life with the woman of my dreams now. Could I ever reconcile and get back with Caroline as I felt she still loved me. Naaaw! God Bless you Caroline for sharing in a part of my life and in your future. May you someday again find true love as I have. Amen.

"...Where do I begin?
There's so much I want to say to make it easier
Tomorrow's on its way
Do you beileve I want to take your painful memories?

I know you want to run away
I know that you can't see tomorrow

Let me wipe away your tears, and give you life
Make you feel beautiful again
Don't throw it all away
I'm here tonight, to take away your pain

Yesterday is gone and
Everything that made you cry has fallen to the ground
I'm here to bring you home
I will always take you back
You haven't let me down

I know you want to run away
I know that you can't see tomorrow

Let me wipe away your tears, and give you life
Make you feel beautiful again
Don't throw it all away
I'm here tonight, to take away your pain

And when you're feeling all alone and you can't go on
Remember I am here
And when you think you've gone too far
I'll meet you where you are
My arms are open wide..."


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