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even though we have our separate lives, I will always love him

Growing up, I was really shy and a little insecure. I was thin, blonde, and pretty but I was not confident. I live in a very small town. I belonged to a little country church and was good friends with this guy that was 3 years older than me. I thought deep down that he knew I loved him and so I never told him. He always flirted with me and watched out for me and I knew that he cared about me but I didn't know to what extent. I was too young to be in a serious relationship so I shyed away from him thinking that I had all the time in the world to let him know how I felt. When he was 19 he got engaged. I was only 16 and still too scared to tell him how I felt. He continued to sit with me at church and say and do little things that let me know he liked me but something was always holding me back. He got married at 20 and I was devastated but no one but my mother really knew how I felt. We talked a couple of months later and he indicated that his marriage wasn't doing very well and for me not to "rush into it" like he did. I had recently gotten engaged myself. I married at 21 and love love loved my husband but in the back of my mind I thought about "the one that got away" every day. A year later he was talking to my mom and she let it slip that I had always thought we would get married and she said he was in shock. She said that he left and came back an hour later saying he couldn't stop thinking about it and he adored me. All of this happened years ago. I am now married for 10 years and have 2 gorgeous children. He has 3 and seems to be happy with his wife. I still go to the same church and feel his absence to this day. He moved across town and goes to a different church now much to his families discontent. Even now,when I see him in passing I can barely speak. I can tell he feels something too. I try to avoid him because I feel so uncomfortable because I shouldn't still have these feelings. I guess I still think of him because I have never told him how I feel. Sometimes I just really wish I had a chance to tell him. I guess I just want him to know that even though we have our separate lives, I will always love him. It scares me to think I may never tell him.


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