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love is strange and it's a battlefield
My love story started awhile ago. It's a long story to tell, but it's an entertaining story, also. : )
Well, back in April of '02 my boyfriend P got arrested and he wasn't coming home til July of '03. A few months after he got arrested started to go to job corps to pick up a trade and get my highschool diploma. Well, in the correctional center that P was in, he met someone who he was cool with. The person who had met name was A. Well, A and I started to write letters to each other that late November of '02.
A and I got along really well, but I still continued to write and mentally support P while he was in jail. At the same time, I would have my female assoicates write A on some penpal crap. I don't know if either were in it for the real deal . . . or if it was just that. (pen pal crap). I do know after writing A for a few months he came on to me in a letter he sent to me and it sort of p***ed me off, cuz he was saying how he was P's friend, but coming on to me. I told P what A had wrote me and P told me not to write A anymore. I did just that. A and I stopped communicating with one another in May of '03.
A couple weeks after A and I stopped writing letters to one another I recieved a letter that P had sent me by mistake. It was meant for someone else and I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to see it. I angrily sent the letter back to him cussing him out and telling him I didn't want S*I* to do with him. Also, around that time I was done with job corps and decided to move to Florida, to get away from all the drama completely. I decided that before I move away, I would work the summer and leave in September.
Well, I couldn't resist wondering if P and I were right for one another, regardless of the little letter that I recieved from him. I needed to know all the answers to my what if questions that I had, so a week before his out date in July I decided to write him a letter and give him my phone number. I wanted and needed answers from him.
P called me when he got out and next thing you know, we're always together or on the phone. Spending the night with one another, it just wasn't enough for either one of us. P tried to convince me to not move away from him, but I told him that if what we have is real, then he shouldn't worry. He tried to get me pregnant hoping that if he succeeded that I'll have no choice but to stay put.
Before you knew it, September came and the night before I was over his house talking to him. I didn't get home 'til a few hours before my flight. . . . not wanting to leave at all. I didn't even have a chance to properly say goodbye to my friends or my family, but I was leaving and in my heart I kinda knew that P and I would never touch or see each other again. . . but I left anyway.
There I was in a new state. I started working in October and then I started business school in January of '04. Last time I spoke to P was on my birthday in October where we got into this little disagreement, and I told him that I was letting him go, but if by some way he comes back into my life, then I'll believe it was real. I cried the day I let him go, but I stood by my word like glue. I didn't call him anymore, I didn't write him, I kept myself busy with school and work and writing.
Then in June of '04 I get a phone call from my mom telling me that A had wrote me! Imagine my shock and surprise and wanting to know what A had wrote. She sent the letter to me and I read that two page letter over and over again remembering that he was a sweet and kind person. I didn't want to respond to A's letter, but he was so freakin' contagious!
Before you knew it, A and I had a ongoing more than pen pal relationship going on. I kept denying I had feelings for him. How I sound having feelings for someone I never even laid eyes on? Loving someone I never even touch, but he stayed in my heart and I was definitely loving me some A! After awhile, I admitted to A that I figure he could be the one. He told me that I could be the one. I figure he was lying, cuz he was in jail, and inmates could fix their mouth to say any damn thing. He said when he got out he wanted to be with me. I told him it wouldn't cuz I was still long distance. I didn't believe a word out of A's mouth.
Well, he got out in early January '05. Well, within a few days of him coming home, he asked me to marry him. I said yes. I knew we were moving extremely to fast, but I knew I wanted to be with him also. We had a fantastic long distance relationship. It was like none other. We were both working and I was still attending school, but it was a fantastic long distance relationship. We talked for hours on the phone. Laughed for hours. Cried and shared our problems. When I was talking to him, I literally went blank. We would take turns putting each other to sleep on the phone. And then the big day came for me to come home and see him in March of this year.
Well, believe it or not, it was a connection at first hug. The way we communicated on the phone was how we were in person. We had everyone envious of how we were. And they had a right to be. We weren't perfect, but we had a great relationship. A would ask my opinion about every little thing going on in his life. He didn't say me or mine, he used words such as we or ours or it's all about you. A made a poing in making it all about me, even when he did trifling BS to make that point clear.
We were still moving fast. Planning on getting married in late August and just moving so fast. My family loved him, cuz of the way he loved me. I didn't think A could do anything to break my heart.
A always said it was all about me, my needs, my wants, my desires. He made that clear. I was the last girl he was going to be with. And he spoiled me with everything you could think of. His time, his love . . . and he wasn't stingy either. He was a giving person. But he wasn't an honest person to me, when he started getting money from his lies to a female to give to me. And that just broke my heart and I still find myself loving A.
Now when I thought I could honestly forgive A, I find out something new. I don't understand how a love so sweet and seemed so right hurt so much and make it so hard for me to just let go. I don't know how I could let A go. I tried to let him go, but I know he loves me.
Everyone in my life thinks I should just give a chance, cuz it's obviously he's in love with me also. They say that we were a cute couple, always laughing and smiling and just living each day like it was our very last day. I can't get pass the couple bad thins he done, but I know I love him and always will.
I know that A and I aren't going anywhere, cuz he's the only one who could actually make me smile. I just wish he's understand that my heart is fragile, and he honestly wants to make it up for the next few years of being my husband. Yeah, Ima still marry him!
The whole point of this story is to let you know that love has it ups and down. It's not always picture perfect, but we like to think it's supposed to be like that. If everything is always perfect, then there's a problem. If you don't disagree on anything, there's something wrong. But that don't mean stay in a relationship that's not going anywhere, it just means that love is strange and it's a battlefield. If someone hurts you, it doesn't mean they're not in love . . . you just got to listen to them and know and understand them. but you know if someone love you when you feel it. If a person could tell you things about yourself no one else knows or know your personality like the back of your hand and know your goals . . . they are a keeper . . . if they know how to kiss you ass when they done wrong!
3.75 out of 5 hearts
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