LONG BUT WORTH YOUR TIME
Guys have it just as hard as girls if not a little harder when it comes to teen to young adult boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. At the end of the day at failed attempts to get a girls attention or after a fight with a girlfriend a guy sits down, sighs and says, "I wish she would just SEE me."
We want you to look at us as a whole. Not just what we look like on the outside and not just what your girlfriendís opinions are of us. I know us guys have an inferior language to you girls out there so bare with me.
Guys can become frustrated easily. We are in constant competition with each other in the dating game. We are each trying to outdo the other. Girls do this as well but each has a better handle on their approach. Guys get really frustrated and confused when we approach girls and they insult us, sneer at us, send us away or just pretend that we arenít there just because we donít have great looks. Most guys (good looking and popular or not) will agree that girls are proving to be the more shallow of the sexes and that girls care more about LOOKS than guys.
Most girls will become defensive when we say this saying that they want sweet sensitive guys over a six-pack any day. They call us shallow. But here is one common fact even with the not so popular girls. Guys wont put up with a b**** just cause they look pretty. But girls will go out with a mean jerk for a LONG time. We wont go out with a mean girl, but girls will have a LONG relationship with a mean guy just cause he has looks. Girls misperceive arrogance and boasting as confidence.
Us guys want you to look passed our average looks and get to know us better. Not all of us have strong genetics that give us unique hair and skin color, zitless faces, perfect muscles and an overall unique look. I work out 4 days a week but I sure donít look as good as those guys who only have to work out 2 days a week. I am probably stronger but I donít get such a sculpted look.
So it hurts us deep down when we come up to you and behave GENUINELY nice and you donít give us a chance but as we walk away we see you fall for some guy who acts fake but has better physical features. Take the time to get to know us better. We shouldnít have to stick out like BBQ ribs at a Jewish feast to be worth your while.
I know that girls want lots of romantic gestures; gifts and things that they can show off to their friends but guys donít care about being romantic all the time. Deal with it. We will try obviously but donít expect a huge planned out night for every date or every time you go away together. It is not going to happen. We are much more content to be there for you. We feel more of a connection then. But most girls get frustrated when guys have a bit of a blank streak to romance. ďThere is no spark. We havenít done anything special for so long.Ē As the relationship grows and matures there will be more intimacy and commitment and less romance. It is just the way things are. But there is no way we should stop all together. We are at the teen years! No time like the present to make moves.
Please! To all the girls out there! Donít assume that watching sex in the city is going to explain what your guy is all about and what has to do for you in the relationship. A lot of girls laugh when I warn them but after listening to my point and watching that show they say, ďYeah, they kind of do give a false impression.Ē Guys rip on that show all the time for good reason. Many girls have tried to con me into watching it, ďThey know the average guy so well. You might learn something about yourself.Ē
First of all I am not going to learn anything about being a guy from a story told from a womanís point of view. Girls donít know guys anywhere near as well as they think they do. Hence why this section is called ďwhat guys wantĒ. That is T.V and in my opinion (and most guys) not very realistic T.V either! The show appeals to girls because the characters in the show have such passionate relationships filled with guys who will do nothing else but romantic crap to sweep them off their feet and into the bedroom. Do you notice that most of their relationships ended up failing? (Obviously Iíve watched the show enough. I donít argue a point without doing the research)
Guys become jealous easy. Especially if you are our girlfriend and you go and dance with some other guy. This is because we are insecure. Now being jealous and acting on it in a controlling manner are two different things. Insecurity does not make it right for us to say, "no you canít see your friends on Friday that is our date night." or "who is he? Does he have a thing for you? Do you like him?"
But SOMETIMES we are right to become defensive. Sometimes guys see through OTHER GUYS better than you GIRLS do. You might be surprised how many of your other guy friends are on the prowl for you despite the fact that you are with us. When it comes to dating it is all about territory to guys. If you are fast dancing with another guy friend and gyrating, you THE GIRL could just be having fun and enjoying yourself on the dance floor. I like many other guys are perfectly cool with that. You have the right to have let loose on the dance floor. We might even pick up a few pointers.
But the other guy you are dancing with might be trying to intimidate us through you. When we see that in him we get up to fight for what we worked so hard to earn. Your trust and for us to mean more to you than him. If we think that he is trying in anyway to "have a taste of what we have" in the relationship or think that he is clearly trying to show us up to impress you then he is acting disrespectful to us and we will become angry and aggressive to HIM.
Not you. It is NEVER all right in my mind for us to get mad at you for dancing with him. But most of the time the girl will say, "You are embarrassing yourself and me. Your acting like a real jerk." That is when we feel betrayed. Most of the time, the guy you were dancing with, is behind you sneering at us until you turn back to face him. That is when things will get ugly.
So when we take you aside or use the sudle approach and have a confrontation in public do not think that we are DISTRUSTING OR ACCUSSING YOU. Listen to our concerns and take a good look at this other guy that you are dancing with. If our rationale for our jealousy or aggression is logical than we are probably right about him. So just trust us. If on the other hand "we" are doing this with every guy you dance with than we are being WAY too possessive. We would trust you if you said you were getting a bad vibe from a girl we were dancing with. So why not trust us in return? (I have seen this happen so many times at dances and clubs.)
But most of us guys arenít controlling. You know how you can tell which of us are controlling? We will only go after the odd other guy you dance with not every single one. There will be the odd time where we will reappear on the dance floor and step in during the dance and take you aside or tell him to back off. Also it shouldnít be the way you are dancing with him that upsets us. It is the vibe we get from him. "I donít trust him."=not controlling. Just concerned. "Donít dance with him like that, why are you dancing with this guy?"=controlling.
But here is the thing. There is a limit to how suggestive your dancing can be. You wouldnít like it if we got in real close to another girl on the dance floor and danced suggestively to her. If you were really loyal and committed to us then why would you want to dance in a way that suggests to him that you arenít?
Just cause we donít cry during a sad movie doesnít mean we donít have feelings or werenít touched by it. Just because we donít gush emotions openly to you when we are stressed doesnít mean we donít care about you or want to share.
When a guy is REALLY sensitive he is caring. He listens. He helps. He shows affection and support through his body language whether it is holding you until you stop sobbing or giving you a smile to pick you up. We will also be focused on what you are saying and care about what is happening to you whether it is good or bad. Most of those pretty boys wont stick around for the bad only the good.
"Oh my guy is so sensitive. He cried at last nights movie." Yeah. But when you told him you were being stressed by your parents, friends, school or your job does he go out of his way to make time to be there, listen and cheer you up? Probably not. Oh and by the way, he has to talk too. Him just letting you talk for half of an hour and just staring and nodding doesnít show he is a good listener or a caring guy. If he was listening he better say something helpful.
There is also a fine line here. When a girl feels down sometimes they donít need their guy to just be there and sympathize for them. Sometimes the guy will be there for them but also motivate them or tell them to pick themselves back up quicker than usual. If we see that your situation wont give you time to be upset and we tell you to get the led out or toughen up it doesnít mean we donít care. It just means we are telling you what you need to hear to succeed at the current time. But most girls see this as heartless, "what are you saying Iím hopeless? You are so cold."
Itís got to be a mix. Sometimes Ill tell her to stop feeling down and forge on and sometimes I tell her that I understand how bad something is, that it is okay for her to break down and I feel sorry for her and care to her them get through it. But either way they get MY FULL ATTENTION.
When we get into an argument most guys feel intimidated. Regardless of who is at fault most guys will become more aggressive in the fight. Itís just the way we are built. So understand that we are not changing into a snarling monster that was always deep within us.
When we breakdown and need you:
We will probably never say that we are down. We will wear a mask to hide our stress or pain. You will pick up on it though. Most of the time we are going to get scared and defensive. But we should still only be appropriately defensive. Attacking you "you are too dumb to understand" is not appropriate. "I donít want to talk about it. Please just let me deal with it" is. But what we say DOESNT always reflect what we want. We could want you to push forward but we are too proud to admit it. Donít see that as arrogance. But donít just repeatedly ask, "Whatís wrong? I could help." We donít think like you do. If you want us to open up sometimes the best thing is that you stay there with us and be close to us in silence. Most of the time that makes us feel comfortable to open up.
So in conclusion girls donít judge us first based on our looks and when in a relationship donít judge our character on some of our actions related to your expectations. Guys are intelligent, caring and just as easily hurt as you girls. So give us the chance to let you get to know us and see us for who we are. You might be surprised how much better we look to you.