How Tos @ RomanceClass:
Jealousy Cause Worksheet
This worksheet is part of the Overcoming Jealousy Program. Be sure to start there if you came into this page from another source.
It's very easy to blame your jealousy on one particular thing.
"My girlfriend danced with ANOTHER GUY!"
"That guy was looking at my girl in THAT way!"
"My boyfriend was FLIRTING with that girl at the restaurant!"
"My husband is ALWAYS staying late at work, and his secretary is pretty!"
"My wife is ALWAYS out at her garden club on weekends. Who knows what she's doing there!"
However, if you put 100 different couples in that EXACT same situation, in some cases the partner will be madly jealous and upset, and in other cases the partner will be completely happy and content. Why is that? Because it's not the SITUATION that is causing the jealousy. It is the ASSUMPTIONS of what is going on that is causing them.
Before you get to this worksheet, you should have already read advice on Jealousy, taken the Jealousy quiz, and read the tips about how jealousy starts. If you haven't yet, head back and Read the Basics on Jealousy. You should get a sense of what jealousy is all about.
Jealousy is a FEAR within one person of something bad happening. It's based on a love for another person and losing that person. You can't be jealous of someone you don't care about. You can't be jealous of someone you trust fully. So jealousy is about having a fear and worrying that your partner will fulfill that fear.
Fill out the following, and be brutally honest. This is your own relationship you are saving.
1: What are some of the triggers that bring out my jealousy:
2: When these triggers happening, what do I fear will happen as a result?
3: Why do I fear my partner will follow through on these actions or not resist the result?
4: What real life situations in my past cause me to believe this outcome will occur?
Really think about these questions and answers. These all form the background in your brain for how you react to situations. They help give you the justification for behaving the way that you do. But all behavior is learned, and all action is controllable. That's part of being a person that is mature enough to be in a relationship with another person. Part of what you agree to, when you agree to date or be with someone, is to treat them with respect and to honor them. This means trusting them, and working together to build and sustain this relationship. If you are being jealous, you are actively undermining that relationship - you are not doing your part.
Think about your responses for a few days. Focus on those fears and how your fears are affecting the relationship. Next, we will start working on ways to address those fears.
Overcoming Jealousy Program
Master List of How Tos