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A Love Quote
Love is repaid by love alone. -- St. Therese of Lisieux



How to Find Closure in a Relationship

This assumes that you have already had your Break Up Discussion and have agreed to break up. After that, there usually is some sort of a closure discussion, where you both talk about the relationship so you can learn more about what happened, to help you do better with your next relationship.

Closure has nothing to do with a guillotine!! Closure means that you find a resolution to a situation. You hardly ever want that resolution to be a "get lost"! That's not healthy, if the only way you can deal with a sad situation is to completely get rid of anything having to do with it. What if you had a fight with a family member :) Your aim should be to find a HEALTHY closure, which means you talk about what went wrong, appreciate the things that went well, learn something from it all, and then go on being friends and sharing the good parts. If every relationship ended by saying "it was all awful, nothing was good, get lost" then you don't really learn anything and grow.

Closure is very important, and closure involves talking honestly about what went on in this whole situation. So find a neutral place that it's quiet and you can talk together. Have a good meal first so you're full and comfortable. Then talk! Talk first about the *good* things. Go over the good things you had together, the fun times you had. Talk about the things that were special in the relationship. It's very important to understand what the good was, so you remember those things for future use. Those are the positive things you learned from this relationship.

Then, after you've gone through those, talk about the *challenges* you had. Don't make them into "bad things". They were things that challenged your relationship that you were not able to find solutions to. Don't make it into a "you refused to do laundry!" kind of accusation. That serves no purpose. But make a list of things that together you could not overcome. So things like "we couldn't agree on an equitable division of chores that we both could live with." You can both agree that was a problem, without getting into the details, and now you know that this is something that you have to work on in the future. Because every challenge that isn't met is because the two people couldn't agree on a solution or find a compromise, meaning that at least some of the responsibility falls on each individual.

At the end, you should still treasure the good! And there's no reason you can't keep being friends and talking. And now that you understand better the challenges that you faced and weren't able to work on, you'll know to watch for those in your next relationship. So your next relationship should have a better chance, because of the knowledge you've gained.

You can also read through the various on line Break Up Tips

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