Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -|
Knight in shining armour turns
Hi this is what happened to me -
I had lost my 1st husband (who I had been with for 23 years in September 2005, was on a very popular networking site & had a gentleman who seemed to be kind decent & caring start talking to me, he flattered me & offered to let me go to visit him in the country that he lives in that is 4,000 miles away from where I was from. He was just my type tall 6'2, the most gorgeous blue eyes & a smile that made my stomach do flip flops.
After talking to him for a month or so I decided I really liked this guy & 5 months after we had started talking on-line & had, had many,many phone conversations I was on my way to meet him - I felt like I already knew him & was not too nervous about meeting him.
Well who would have this guy had split form his wife & been left with 3 young children to bring up aged 1, 4 & 5. He had also worked hard & managed to pay off the mortgage on his property, but was unfortunately out of work following quite a serious accident at work (he worked making shower doors & cutting mirrors) - a mirror broke & cut him from tail bone to butt hole & he was uncontactable for a while I was so worried about him, he also told me his ex-wife had got him arrested & put in jail for 17 days for non-payment of child support, which was strange as he was looking after the children, but he said the courts sorted it out eventually.
Still all was good when I went over to see him - he was the perfect gentleman & I fell very, very deeply in love with him, we decided we wanted to be together - so as I am a qualified nurse I decided to take that course of action to gain entry to the country - I had to pay for my qualifications to be checked & was going to have to take another nursing exam to prove I could function as a good nurse in this other country.
We kept in touch & another 3 months after my first visit I went back to see him & his family, OMG how much I loved the grand-children & they seemed to like me too, his mum was amazing 81 years old & still working I was so impressed with her & loved her. His son & son's girlfriend live with the guy but they were easy enough to get on with & I am quite easy going.
During my second visit a friend of mine e-mailed me & said the guy I was with had moved around a lot & that I shouldn't trust him at all - we ended up arguing & I asked him to take me to a hotel - but he just said lets try to get some sleep instead & see what the morning brings - so we did. Everything was ok in the morning, he was so loving towards me & convinced me that my friend was just jealous. It broke my heart to leave him for the 2nd time but he was going to be coming to visit me in my country in another 3 months so it was bearable.During that visit I helped him to sort out his passport so he could leave his country - he had never had one before.
Now when I got back I started getting IM's & e-mails from a woman claiming to bwe a friend of his - she claimed that she was bi-sexual & wanted to have sex with both of us - I am not interested in women that way but said I would if it would please the man of my dreams. Now I know he was sending intimate pictures of himself to me but it shocked me to find out that he had also sent some to her, she sent them to me & I recognized them as him, he said it was just to see if it was my friend trying to cause more trouble & deleted her from his messenger.
I was quite naive & very, very trusting (oh yes totally & utterly in love with him too) so we managed to sort that out - the friend that had started everything let me know he was on a dating site so I questioned him about it & he said it was old & he couldn't remember his password to delete it - yet again I believed him (foolish me).
Well when he came over to see me it was just perfect we traveled around a bit & I showed him what it was like living in my country (he said he loved it - said he would move to be with me but for his grand-children). It was his birthday whilst he was visiting me so I did my best to make sure he had a birthday to remember - i paid for us to go to somewhere he had always wanted to go (that meant leaving the country I was in & traveling abroad together). Yet again I was gutted when we had to separate I took him to the airport & kissed him goodbye, he said to try to keep positive & that would would be able to be together forever soon.
Well we kept in touch as normal via the phone & internet - but I found it so difficult as I missed him so very, very much & it was taking forever to sort out the immigration & nursing stuff for me to move to be with him - which meant selling my house, giving up my job & leaving my adult children behind, but I loved him & he loved me & we wanted to be together - so it was worth it all.
he knew how much I was missing hin & how much it hurt me not to be with him - I was having a particularly bad day when he text me to ask how I was & I text back saying I was fed up with it all - all I wanted was to be with him & make him happy - which in return would make me happy.
A short time later he text me back & said "Mom says for me to marry you & get you over here then you can sort out taking the nursing exam" now maybe not the most romantic proposal but I thought it meant that he was as much in love with me as I was with him so I accepted & was so excited about the prospect of being his wife.
Oh we still had the odd glitch - his friend that wanted the threesome popped up sometimes to cause problems, but other than that it was quite good. We were in love & wanted to be together (or so I thought). My fiance at the time said we could just go get married in our jeans but I wanted to make it a special day so when I found a dress I liked I asked him if he would mind wearing a shirt & trousers so I could wear my pretty dress - he said yes then jokingly added that he wouldn't wear any shoes though, I just laughed & said right so you want to freeze your feet off in sub-zero temperatures.
So I arrived back into my lovers & soon to be husbands arms, I was so happy soon I would be able to be with the man I loved doing a job I love - what more could a girl want ? He seemed so happy to see me & couldn't wait to get me back to him house & into his bed to make love to me. My dress had been delivered to his house & I had told him not to look at it (which he hadn't done). I called some of his female friends to tell me what they thought & they said I looked stunning in it, they also said they liked me because his other girlfriends had been jealous of them - but I saw no reason to be - he was in love with me after all.
So we got married with his mum & son as witnesses, his daughter turned up too & brought one of the grand -children - I was so happy & felt like his family must really like me to make the effort & I loved them & couldn't wait to start my new life with my husband - we went on honeymoon to a very nice hotel not too far from where he lives & stayed 2 nights- they were amazing & just lead me to believe he really did love me.
When we got back to the house I was just browsing through his pictures when I came across some of a naked woman (she could not have possibly been me as she was a little bigger than me) which were obviously taken by the woman herself & sent to him - so I challenged him about them & hew said they were of one of his ex's that he had loved for 5 years - so I felt bad, but had to let it go.
We sorted it out, it was my birthday whilst I was there with him - we went shopping together & he bought me a cake & an orchid plant. When it came time for me to go back to my country again yet again it broke my heart & he asked me not to cry in front of him or he might start crying too, so I waited till I boarded the plane & then my tears started to flow - I think I cried all the way back the whole 13 hours. Then it was back to work for me, all the time missing & loving him with all of my heart
I called the immigration department to find out how long it would be before I could move to be with my husband - they explained that seeing as we had married in his country I could have stayed & started my adjustment of status whilst I was there - OMG I was so upset that I had missed my first Christmas with my husband & would be missing our first Valentines day as a married couple together.
I managed to organize everything so i could move over to be with him for his birthday - I sold my house, gave up my job & said good-bye to all of my family & friends (apart from my daughter, she was coming out to stay with us for a while).
I asked him what he wanted for his birthday & he said I want you & to be able to make love to you, which made me feel so very, very special 0- that he couldn't think of anything else he would rather have than me.
I had never been happier to see anyone than I was to see him when we arrived at the airport, he smiled at me & my heart melted all over again, my knees went all wobbly & boy oh boy did I realise how much I loved him. He drove my daughter & myself back "home" & once we were all settled in for the night he took me to bed & made loving, slow & amazing love to me. I was so happy & could picture my life as being with him forever, caring for him & loving him - apart from when I would be out working caring for other people in my job as a nurse.
I got myself & my daughter a mobile phone - a pay as you go one & was able to keep in touch with my husband, my daughter & some friends I had in that country.
Unfortunately I knocked some receipts down that were piled up next to our computer (I had been there about a month) & found a mobile receipt - I thought it was mine & looked at it it was not for the network that either my husband, my daughter or myself were using - so I put it back.
He knew I was upset about something - so after much, much pressure I gave in & told him, my god I wish I hadn't he said I was accusing him of having another phone (I wasn't & hadn't been intending to mention it at all), it took a wile but he eventually got me as angry as he was & I drove off in my car - the first time I had driven in that country & on the wrong side of the road for me, managed to do so safely & went back to the house.
Decided to take his keys & go, but he caught me 7 wrestled them from me (he is a lot bigger than I am I am only 5'6 &1/2 & he is 6'2), so in an act I am ashamed of I gently lifted his testicle & got them back from him - then ran, hey I couldn't have hurt him he managed to run after me, catch me & get the keys from me (as I said he is bigger than I am).
He asked me to leave & I admit I begged him to let me stay because I loved him & so wanted to be a good wife to him - sit & talk to him, to cook his favorite meals, go for walks with him, watch movies with him & make love to him. My main aim was to keep him happy as for me to be happy I have to keep the people i love happy. We had some fun times I paid for us both to have yearly passes to the local water park & fun fair.
Anyway he agreed to carry on trying, but that evening whilst I was watching TV his son's girlfriend kept giving me looks as if she wanted to kill me. So I walked over to his chair & whispered in his ear "I think I'm going to go now !!!!", then walked off into the bedroom to pack. He came in after me & asked me not to go, he told me he loved me & wanted to make a really good try of it with me, he said he would sort it out so his son's girlfriend was not as moody towards me.
Well I stayed - I was totally crazy in love with this guy & would have done anything within reason to keep him happy, things continued ok until about a month & a half later I was looking for a nice pic of he & I together on the computer to print off & frame - I came across one of him topless in the bathroom mirror & all I said was "that's a nice pic why didn't yu send it to me ?" to which he responded "oh it's an old one" so I asked "well why have you got your wedding ring on, on it then ?" - so yet again I was accused of accusing of things this time sending pictures to other women - which wasn't what I had asked or meant all I had wanted to know was why he hadn't sent it to me when I was missing him so much.
I also got fed up after 3 months of living in the same house as my step- son's girlfriend that 5 days out of 7 each week she wouldn't acknowledge me when I said hello to her in the morning, one day I had, had enough, when she walked past me into MY bedroom & I said hi but she totally ignored me & went in to chat with my husband & step-son. So I went to the bathroom & when I came out I said "good morning ******" to which she responded "I said hi to you earlier" - now I was looking straight at her & her lips didn't move, nor did any sound come out of them. But she went off in a strop.
Now we had arranged to get my mother-in-law a puppy for mothers day (I paid for the puppy too), she wanted a little girl of the breed, unfortunately all of the girl puppies died so i said well we may as well leave the money there for when they get one - but my husband said why don't we get one for you, so we went to look at the puppies & I let my daughter choose one - he is gorgeous & my baby.
I paid for all the immigration paperwork & filled in all the forms just getting my husband to make sure he checked it all before he signed it & checking him by asking questions to make sure everything was right - my god it took time & cost a fortune too - but it would be worth it to finally be able to live with my husband forever :-)
My husband was taking my daughter & I out to lunch at a restaurant so we set off, I said to him "I'm sorry if I upset *****" & was going to continue to say but it upsets me that she ignores me in my own home - but didn't get the opportunity to - he started ranting at me, shouting & swearing. So I remained calm & said he could just take me home if he wanted to (I was feeling so hurt that he stuck up for his son's girlfriend over me when I was in the right - if i had been wrong them fair enough). Anyway we went to the restaurant & had the meal(it was very good) & when we got back all seemed ok.
The following week was when my daughter was due to leave to go home, I was sad & knew I would miss her very, very much but we had to get on with our lives we could always visit each other, I was totally in love with my husband & wanted to spend my life with him.
I arranged for us to drive her to the international airport that her flight back to her country was flying from, it was a long way - so I arranged & paid for a hotel for us I booked 2 nights which my daughter would be there & 1 for my husband & myself, because the transmission had gone on my car & my husbands car wasn't running too well I hired a car to get us there too & bought a GPS (tomtom) so we wouldn't struggle - well it was a 12 hour drive there & once we got there my husband bought us dinner then as we were all tired we went to bed.
My husband was so loving & attentive whilst we were away I thought everything was going to be ok, because he seemed to want me to be in his life again - we had a good time laughed & joked & made love, everything was good on the way back too I was so happy with him.
Now my funds were running low & I owed money that I wanted to pay back as a lump sum, so I mentioned this to my husband & he said "Oh don't worry about it, once we are both working we can pay it back in installments, I didn't want to do that I just wanted to pay it all back & not worry about it. A few days after that I told him I had paid it back (a lie I know but hey I was on limited resources) & that I needed him to help a little more financially.
Now my husband didn't pay the bills his mom did, he didn't do the grocery shopping I did or his son's girlfriend did or his mom even ordered food to be delivered for him, I thought it was just because he was unfortunately out of work his mom had told me "he struggles to get a job because he has a poor credit rating" & I believed her.
A couple of days after that my husbands son got a new computer game & my husband played on it from first thing in the morning till midnight, so I asked if we could have a bit of us time the next day & he said yes, so I went to sleep happy. The following morning I asked him what he fancied doing & he said I was having a go at him about playing on the computer & that I should just pack my bags & go - he wasn't in love with me anymore. I was so lost & broken hearted, I text his daughter, her friend & my daughter. I said to her " he told me to go back to the country I came from & if he decided he was in love with me again he would come to get me ! Does he think I'm some sort of doll or toy he can put down & pick up again when he feels like it ?"
His daughter came to collect me from what I considered to be my home & took me round to her friends house, she was so angry with her dad & said to me "I told him not to do this - I told him not to get you over here & hurt you like this), I sat & talked to the 2 girls most of the afternoon & his daughter told me that her dad had always had problems with commitment & that although she loved him she didn't like the way he was treating me at all, her friend also confirmed that it was him that was the problem not me - he had, had me believing that I was insecure & very jealous, he is good at making you believe what he wants you to believe (he told me he is always right - I thought it was a joke now I realise he thinks he is).
I went back to my HOME & started to pack my bags, like he asked me to, I text him & asked for more luggage as I had brought everything that mattered to me with me - which he didn't respond to - when he came in he went on the computer game & when some of his friends came round he expected me to stop packing & be sociable with them but I was way too upset & heartbroken to do that.
When they went I asked him to help me pack but he went back on the computer game, exhausted both physically & emotionally I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up early in the morning, I decided to look at the computer - OMG what I found on his favorites - porn - granny porn but the worst was the teen porn (oh how I wish I hadn't clicked on that) the girls & I mean girls some of them hadn't even developed breasts properly, I was so disgusted how could a 46 year old man look at little girls in that way 0 for god sake he is a grandfather & father himself.
So I started packing again this time I wasn't bothered whether I woke him or not, he had his babies (Cannabis plants) growing in the back room, I knew he used it for back & neck pain something I wouldn't do myself, now I was angry with myself & with him.
He decided to go out - so I text him threatening his "babies" but then decided I would just tell him I would get some boys in blue to help me pack my cases, I shouted at him & told him he was a pot head & that the kiddie porn on his computer was disgusting & that he could wipe his hard drive but there are ways the police can find out what sites you have been on.
He told me he wanted me out of his house NOW & he wanted me to take all of my things with me too, he continued to shout & rant & rave at me in front of his son & son's girlfriend, so although it was early I called one of the very few friends that I had -in tears (I hadn't had the time or opportunity to make many friends as I hadn't got authorization to work & only knew the people he knew).
Anyway I called my friend & explained what was happening & that it might take me a couple of hours to pack everything up - I asked my husband if he would go out & take his son & his son's girlfriend with him whilst I finished packing if I could get someone he trusted round to watch me pack - he said yes, so I told him who was on the phone & who would be coming to get me - he snatched the phone from me & started being all nice to my friend saying he was so sorry that I had called her & that he hoped I would cause her no trouble.
Well no surprise he went out when she came but left his son & the girlfriend behind - all i wanted was the opportunity to pack & cry (because I needed to without an audience). So I packed my things up & made sure I had everything for my little dog as well as me & left in tears (I was still totally in love with him !). He promised to see me before I left the country (but yet again surprise - he didn't.
So my perfect husband wanted me out of the country the day after I left his house - well I wasn't ready to go i had paid for some procedures for my immigration & I may one day want to go back as a nurse - why should I have to pay again ! Plus I had to sort some things out for my little dog so he could eventually come over to live with me - (I'm still waiting to be able to collect him - it makes me so sad).
So as I was saying I went round to my friends house & was obviously upset - I said to her "I don't understand it - he's such a nice guy, I mean he brought all the 3 kids up alone from a young age & worked hard too, to pay off his mortgage'. She looked at me as though I crazy & said "he didn't bring up his kids - I know he didn't they lived next door to me with their mom when they were little & he hardly worked from what I can remember, he was always partying"
My god I was so shocked - she could tell by the look on my face that I was stunned by what she had just told me - WHO WAS THIS GUY I HAD MARRIED & GIVEN MY HEART TO. Yet again I broke down in tears I was still in love with him but he was just a lie - how could he have done this to me I gave up everything for him & he the man I fell in love with didn't even exist really !
That night I struggled to eat the meal my friend & her husband provided for me & when I went to bed my little puppy cuddled up to me & let me know that he loved me anyway - he & the friendship & support of the good people I was staying with prevented me from falling apart.
The next day I asked my friend if my husbands ex-wife would talk to me seeing as I knew he had lied about somethings I needed to know what else he told me wasn't true - so the following day she came to collect me & we talked - she told me that she had, had the kids when they were little, he only worked for a couple of years in his adult life & part of that for his step-dad - he hadn't paid child support & ended up going to jail for 17 days for non-payment, but still owed her a lot of money that she would never see.
As for him injuring himself at work for an excuse for me not being able to get in touch with him - yet another lie, he wasn't even working at the time - so god knows what he was doing & I worried so much about him being injured & his wound healing properly - the scar he had was from a cyst he had, had a few years earlier. OMG he took me in so much & I believed him.
I metioned the fact that he told me the reason his past relationships failed was because his partners had been unfaithful to him & she said to me "well he went out on me on many, many occasions before I eventually went out on him & I regret doing that now (well whilst they were married anyway)", she also said that when he worked as a security guard for his step-dad he had a bag for work that he kept with him & although she never looked in it their oldest child opened it when 2 years old & pulled out loads & loads of porn - so what was he doing while he was supposed to be working ?
He also threw her out on more than one occasion - once whilst she was pregnant with their 2nd child - oh when he was 18 & she was 15 he took her to Florida (her parents didn't know where she was - but his mom did - she was paying for them) & brought her back pregnant - nice guy hey !
Thinks when she was pregnant with their 3rd child, there was also another woman pregnant with his child (a woman he worked with). His mom would go out shopping with her & buy baby stuff for this other woman. When she dropped her son off at his dads 8 years later that woman was there with her child & she said the other child looked more like my husband than the one he had had with his wife. Gets better doesn't it ?
I asked him for help to get to an appointment in the nearest big city, he was my last resort - I had asked everyone else I know & so had my friend, everyone else was busy - he said that his truck wasn't working too good ! He delayed me going back to the country I came from, then complained about me staying longer than he wanted me to.
The only reason I think that he wanted me to go was so I didn't find out who he really was - well not so much for me but for him because it would ruin his "good guy" image with his friends & family. Well he didn't realise that they knew at least part of what he was like but they were totally disgusted in him - apart from his mom -god bless her she created a monster.
When I text him & asked him why ? He wanted to know why what ? So I said why did you lie to me ? - he said " if you want to believe that f*****G ex-wife of mine then we are over" - I text back and said "I thought we already were". I text his daughter thinking I was going crazy & said " please tell me who you lived with when you were little - i think I'm going crazy !" - she replied that she had lived with her mom till she was 15 & her brother was 13 then they moved to be with their dad because he was a party animal. Maybe he thought he could still sweet talk everyone around to believe him - but I had no reason to lie & his friends & family saw the shock on my face when I found out what he was really like.
So even when caught out as a liar he denied it & tried to pass the blame to someone else - you know the sad thing is I would have stayed with him & loved him just as much as I always had if he had told me the truth - I would have helped him get help with his addictions & got him counseling as far as the kiddie porn is concerned. It is too late now for me to help him he did tell me at one point in our relationship "I'm 46 years old & too old to change" - I believe you are never to old to change if you want to, I turned my life upside down & inside out to be with him - moved 4,000 mile all for the love of him & he wasn't who he claimed to be !
Now I IM'd him the other day when I was checking my e-mails & asked if I had left something of mine in his bathroom (which I had) then was trying to be polite & civil asked how the kids where & his mom - he blew up at me & said "you don't care about my mom or me - you have hurt me so much". Does he actually think he didn't hurt me ? He broke my heart, trampled all over the trust I gave to him & then treated me like a piece of dirt when it suited him
I didn't lie, at first I didn't even ask questions, I was too heartbroken & believed him when he said it was all my fault that we were splitting up - he had me under his spell & I thought I was going mad - I even looked for self help on-line, until I learned the truth - as one of his male friends said to me "**** has spent the last 15 years whoring & smoking pot - we thought he had found someone decent to settle down with properly, have a proper relationship with & to go out with as 2 couples"
So you see although I'm not in love with him anymore I do care about him, his mom & especially the grand-children who I consider to be my grand-children (I love them so much & miss them - he has deprived me if them & them of me. I can't hate him - I just don't seem to have it in me & I really don't want to because it will do me more harm than it will him.
Am now back in the country I came from - have found somewhere to live, got myself a little car & should have a job soon (fingers crossed). I went on the networking sight the other day & he has deleted me as a friend & claims that he is divorced although I know for a fact he has not even put the paperwork in.
Please, please be careful who you fall for on these sites they are not always who they seem to be, my main fear now is that he will do the same thing he has done to me to someone else & I can't warn anyone because I will seem to be the bitter, jealous, vindictive wife or e-wife as the case maybe.
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