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We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love. --Mother Teresa



Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
I will never trust another man again

I have been in a bad marriage for many years and I'm miserable. My husband ignores me, barely speaks to me and treats me like his maid. I have two children that I love more than life and they are the reason I have been unable to leave. I work nights in a bar and have worked there for six years. I met a guy there about four years who started coming in as a regular. The bar is frequented by prison guards and he had moved to town when he transferred in from another facility. There was something there from the minute we met but we have always danced around it for obvious reasons. We became very good friends and have engaged in an ongoing flirtation for several years which I thought was harmless. I didn't think he would ever be interested in me because I was married and my husband also works for the system. For whatever reason, he finally made a move early last year. He gave me a kiss that curled my toes when I dropped him off one night after close. He apologized the following weekend, but I couldn't get that kiss off my mind. He slowly started putting pressure on me to see each other and with my feelings for him and that kiss, I caved. I was so drawn to him. I held him off for awhile because I felt guilty because of my marriage. I got sick with a bleeding ulcer and ended up in the hospital for a couple days and my husband was an absolute asshole to me. After that, I didn't feel so guilty. I made love to him for the first time about a month later and it sealed the deal for me. I was in love. This guy is gorgeous, blue eyes, build body and sexy as hell. He was able to do things for me that I have only dreamed of. He made me feel like a million bucks. We were great together. We continued to see each other on weekends and whenever we could work out our schedules. We talked, we got close and I thought he cared about me. One night in the bar I caught him giving his cell number to some nasty looking trailer park skank. I'm nothing to sneeze at and I couldn't believe what he was doing. He blew it off as a joke, but I found out later that he called her the following week when he was drunk and she came over with a friend for his buddy and he screwed her. He thought he had gotten away with it until I showed up at his house and confronted him. He admitted what he did, said he was embarrassed and sorry, etc. I was devastated. We had this whole big discussion about our relationship and both admitted that we had strong feeling for each other but in the end agreed to stop seeing each other because of the situation. He was trying to blame me because I was married when he was the one who initiated the relationship with me in the first place. The next night he came into the bar and things were pretty tense between us at first. We were both miserable. He asked me back to his place after close and like an idiot I went. Like a moth to a flame. He told me how sorry he was, that he hated what happened, that he had f---ked everything up. I told him he needed to decide what he wanted. He looked me right in the eye and told me that I needed to leave to be with him and he kissed me. We continued to see each other and I had decided that I would get my kids through the holidays and tell my husband I wanted out. I thought if I got myself in a situation where I was happy that my kids would be better off for it. A couple weeks before Christmas I went into the bar when I wasn't working and sat down with him and a couple of his friends. All the sudden, this girl shows up and sits down. It was the weirdest thing because I immediately had a gut feeling that something was majorly wrong. It was almost a sense of impending doom. He blew it off like she was a friend from work, but I knew better. On top of everthing else, the chick was so ugly. She was small, skinny, wore little glasses, and was completely dorky. She reminded me of some nerd in high school. The next night was his work Christmas party to which he told me he was going by himself. He called me around last call and told me that he was bringing in a big group from the party. I knew something wasn't right and I asked him who was with him. He named some names, but nobody I recognized. All the sudden, here he comes in the front door holding hands with the bitch from the night before. I truly think I went into shock. I felt like somebody had pulled the world out from underneath me. Then he brings her up to the bar and starts kissing her in front of me and asks her to spend the night with him. I can't even explain the pain I was in. I tried to kept my cool because I was at work and I didn't want to spill the bean about our relationship. When I was finally able to get his attention, I called him over and told him everything was off. Here I was seeing him for almost seven months, he tells me to leave to be with him and I was in the process of doing that and he starts seeing somebody else and dumps me. Not to mention that it's an ugly girl who couldn't hold a candle to me. I wrote him a letter telling him what I thought of him and of what he did and told him that I didn't want to see him or talk to him anymore. He called me the next day with a bunch of lame excuses and said he was sorry, he didn't want to hurt me, blah, blah. I literally cried for two weeks straight after it happened. Big surprise that devoted hubby never noticed there was anything wrong with me. I haven't seen him in about three months because he agreed not to come in the bar while I'm working and I have avoided going in there on my own time. He's still with her and my life is ruined. I will doubt myself for the rest of my life for never seeing it coming. I was truly convinced that he cared about me and wanted to be with me. Now I don't know what was truth and what wasn't. Was he faking all those intimate moments with me? He made me feel so special. Was that all a joke? The questions are never ending. I cry all the time now and if I can get out of bed and get to work and take care of my kids it's been a good day. I feel like I sold out myself and almost my kids for a man who may or may not have been playing me. At least at home, I know where my place is. I was looking forward to a fresh start and a new life and all I brought on myself was misery. I finally saw him for the first time since this happened last weekend. I went to the bar on my night off when my friend called me for a ride home. Of course, he was there with the ugly girlfriend. We didn't speak, but I caught his eye once and actually saw regret there. Go figure. Even if I ever do get divorced, I will never trust another man again. The pain just isn't worth it.






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