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The honorary duty of a human being is to love. -- Maya Angelou



Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
Slim chances

When I first met my ex, I knew that he will be someone close to me. I was thinking close friend at that point. My ex was a sloppy guy, I must confess. He doesn't shave his mustache and has little pimples all over his face. We hung out almost every weekend for a month. He knew the way around the city so he wanted to show me the interesting spots. We talked, laughed and eventually he liked me. I rejected him when he asked me out but as time goes, I started to fall more in love with him. Eventually, I had the courage to kiss him on the cheeks. He asked me, "Can I kiss you back?" I nodded. After that day, it was me and him. We went through a year of arguments and happy times. I loved him because he showed me so much things outside of the computer world. Yes, I was a heavy online gamer. He allowed me to trust someone in real life. I trusted him. I trusted that there is such thing as love. After 1 year 6 months, I started to feel very low confident. I was thinking I wasn't worth it. It's funny because back then everyone thinks I could do way better than him. I have personality, communication skills, and an average look. I started to feel that I don't deserve him. He placed me first priority in his life and I was really that important to him. He would make decisions based on me. I lied to him saying that I don't love him anymore and so we broke up. Months later I feel regretful and I confessed to him that I love him and I was really sorry for lying to him. He said that he doesn't love me anymore and he moved on. I must say, I deserve this. I feel a lot of pain and tears drip down my eyes every time I think about him. I pray to God and talked to many friends about my situation. We didn't really talk to each other much after his rejection. Then, we ended up in the same college right now. We are now both freshmen of our new school. My friends tell me that he has a new crush. I felt sad but I was curious to find out who I lost my love to. It turns out that the girl he has a crush on is my best friend from Junior High School. The world is small, isn't it? They met at our college's orientation and they started to talk and hang out after it. Before I knew the girl was her, I told her that I still miss my ex. After connecting dots, I found out the girl was her. I told her that I know the one he likes is her. I kind of got it out of her that she also likes him, too. I feel very hurt. Right now, they are hanging out somewhere... And maybe sooner of later they will confess their feelings to each other then... go out. Right now I feel like my world is crashing down before me once again. I'm jealous and hurt at the same time. I know I need to move on but, I can't help it. My friend told me that he doubts he will never like me again. The fact that she knows that I like him and yet she still calls him out all the time to hang out with her really makes me think if she is a good person or not? I know that she is not obligated to tell me who she is hanging out with but, she doesn't need to hide it from me. I understand that I'm long gone and she's the new girl. He's into her now. Something still tells me in my heart that, she's not the one for him. But I know I have no choices left but to wait to see what happens and move on. Right now, me and my ex joke around a lot. We make fun of each other but we never really go to the topic of feelings. He still remembers the things we do but I guess they're just memories and nothing more. I still love him very much at this point and I have to stop. I'm crying and struggling with thinking optimistically. Maybe they're going to go out. I feel so much pain that it is just unbearable. Yet I still have hope deep down in my heart that we will get back together. Maybe the chances are just so slim and nearly impossible. Either way, if you are my ex and if you are reading this for some reason... I want to tell you that you are the first guy I fell in love with. You are the first person I trust. You are my world and my everything. Like before, I'm still willing to sacrifice anything to make you happy even as friends. I will continue to hope and pray that you will be happy throughout your life. And maybe one day, if you find that you still love me deep down... I will still be here waiting for you... I love you.

09.01.2008

~ miss passionless and her broken heart...






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