Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -|
It all started the summer before my upcoming senior yr. at high school. The girl of my dreams walked into my life that summer with a little fate, and the help of drugs. I had just moved to Oregon and she had grown up in Oregon with all my new-found friends here, although I didnt know her yet. We met and immediately eased into a comfortable friendship due to our similliar friends,interests, and joy of living on the edge and doing drugs.
Years before,during sophmore year, I was on a date with another hottie when I saw a group of my friends at the theatre and they introduced me to a stunning woman that years later would be my highschool sweetie and my love. I took her hand and squeezed it as I said hello to her before I re-joined my date before the movie. Looking back now, I knew there was something I totally liked about her,it was probably her sexy voice and sexy dimples.
Anyways, on with the story... We became good friends before school started, and just friends at that by always running into eachother at our favorite drug dealers pad. We just hung out together smokin bud and ciggs and just laughing about life. I was not even attracted to her. I actually didnt think she was all that attractive!!! One day around Xmas time, I called her friend to find out where she was, and it dawned on me that very second I obviously had a crush on this friend. Her friend told her of course and later that week we had our first kiss and she told me that this could one day ruin our friendship if we were to break up....I was willing to take that risk for this stunning hot sexy woman.
We were totally in love that school year. She was a Senior like me also and she was very very smart(like me too,ha!)I was totally in love with her tomboy ways and her sexy smile and jawline. All the guys at school also thought she was a hotty with a naughty body. No doubt. We both got really deep into drugs and eachother, and spent most of our time together and at our families houses. I lost my virginity to her and shared all my deepest feelings with her. She was a year younger than I, but had been very sexually active already and so I was a little intemmidated by her during sex at first. But I loved the way I felt when with her...And I felt that I would never leave her side. I chose her to the one.
I have had a neglected childhood and she seemed to comfort me and ease that pain inside. No one knew my real mom or the haunting childhood feelings I hid, and she had the chance to meet my mom one spring break and I really loved that she got to know her and cared about me in that way...and she did not judge my moms drug problem or lack of responsibility. She was totally just there for me and I trusted her and opened myself to her. I guess you could say I needed her. I needed love.
I took her to Las Vegas with my family,and to all kinds of vacation spots!!! We would love "playing house" and living together for the weekend like we were adults! We would go camping,and to the river,concerts,art galleries, and we both were really into the outdoors! After she helped me graduate high school,and turned 18, I took her down to california for our senior trip to goto YOSEMITE and camp and hike there for a week! It was the most lovely and best time I have ever had in my life. Yosemite is almost as beautiful as her. We stayed extra days, and tried to get jobs there for the summer so we didnt have to ever leave!!! I loved it most because I was in the most awesome place in the world with the most awesome girl in the world!On the other hand, I think she loved Yosemite because the outside world could not take me,or our love, or anything we shared away. Yosemite made her feel secure.She needed to feel secure, cuz she was very insecure her whole life...thats why she resorted to sex and drugs before us.
College started the following fall and we had some classes together. It was that fall that something changed. Drugs really started taking a toll on me. She decided to quit doing them so much. I couldnt. I was addicted. I loved drugs. Over time, drugs would ruin us. It tore us apart. It took the place of love. Drugs can turn something as great and beautiful as true love, into dismay and heartbreak and loneliness. We started fighting and sometimes physically hurting one another over drugs and relationship issues. She started maturing a lot faster than I and chasing her college goals as I struggled to find more drugs. She started making plans to move to Portland and goto another college in the fall. She tried so hard to love me and save me...but I couldnt even save myself. After a year and a half of love and inseperable days together, it was over for good.
For the next 6 months I tried so hard to convince her that I was sober and that I loved her and would do anything for her. She sometimes would give in to me and give it a chance, but drugs, lies, or differeneces would put out our efforts. I barely could live. All I knew was that I loved this woman to death,she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I shared my love,feelings, and my body with her in a way that no one has or ever would share with me. I chose her. I chose her...
Well, that was like 2 years ago, and even though we had sometimes got together cuz she was bored or lonely or horny,nothing that I wanted ever came out of those encounters. She has moved. She is going too the university about a half hour away. She now has a fake ID and going to bars. She is probably loved and adored by all the older guys. She is beautiful.
It took sooo long to finally stop calling her,and to totally give up on her and respect myself. She really did treat me like crap after we broke up,using me and only hanging out with me if she didnt have another date or guy to adore her. She would sleep with me, and I would absolutely be estatic and make love to her. She would not even call me the next day, or two.It meant nothing to her,although it meant the world to me. I was not a priority for her on friday nights unless all other plans failed for her.
Our limited once a month encounters and even our telephone conversations became more seldom and harder on my heart.This last valentines day I of course had no date, and thought I would offer to take her to dinner and treat her well. After much thought she told me "yes" she would go...but that I could not come back to her appartment after dinner, and that she didnt want to consider this valentine dinner as a formal "date." ...Well that hurt me, cuz I wanted to show her a good time and make her feel loved, and yah, I did want to take her out on a date!!! I called back the day before our "dinner plans" and told her to forget it then.Im sure a lot of girls would love to be treated well and be taken out on a date. She was fine with that and probably found someone to take her out instead of me anyways. He probably even got to stay the night at her place too.
We havent talked since, that was 7 months ago.
The point of this story to whoever has read this story this far, is that true love can never be tucked away or hidden. Ive tried so hard to forget her, to move on, to hide my feelings to my family and friends because I was scared of ridicule and embarassment. Those friends still see her,and I sometimes avoid seeing those friends for months on end because Im scared they will talk about seeing her or hanging out with her. I just get jelous a little. So I do my own things. I read, i write, i play drums, i go on walks, i draw, i educate myself, and I dont do drugs. I dont ever go out on dates. I havent kissed a woman in at least 8 months... I do often have dreams of her. No matter how hard I try to not think about her, she still visits me in my head. No matter how hard I try not to love her,I still sometimes send her a card on her birthday,or flowers on valentines, or a good picture of myself to let her know that I am thinking of her. I sometimes pray for her happiness, and I ask jesus to somehow let her know in her heart, that I love her.
3.83 out of 5 slimes
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