Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -|
Iím so afraid of rejection and pain to do anything about it.
I dated my ex, J*, on and off for over two years. I was very much in love with him but he broke off the relationship and started seeing someone out of state. I continued sleeping with him because I was in love with him and hoped he would end the long distance romance with this woman. I also felt our relationship was more than just sex and enjoyed his company. Then he ended that as well by giving me the news that his girlfriend was moving in with him. I took the news very hard and forced myself to move on even if I was still in love with him. I stated dating P* a month later while J* was living with his girlfriend. Two months later I was engaged to P* and J* was leaving messages on my cell phone. I resented the idea that J* was only seeking me out because his relationship had not worked out as planned so I never returned his calls. I was still in love with J* and two months after my wedding (less than a year after my engagement) I ran into him. He showed me a side of his that Iíve never seen. I was jealous and questioned me for getting married. I slept with him but made it clear I would not break off my engagement because things between us were not working out before met P*. I did not ask him what had happened to his girlfriend. I felt horrible for cheating of P* and told myself I wouldnít do it again. But I didÖ.I was still in love with J* and sought him out. We agreed that it would be the last time that we would sleep with each other. He wished me the best in my marriage and I found out that his girlfriend was moving back with him for good. I wished him the best as well. I thought once I was married my feeling would change and all I needed was closure with J*. I hoped that eventually I would fall in love with P* and be happy. After I got married I ran into J* again and we exchanged a few words. We starred profoundly at each other. At one point our conversation stopped and all we did was stare at each other for several seconds. It was during that silence I realized how much I loved him because Iím willing to change my life to have him back. I didnít ask him about his girlfriend but I know they are still together. I sought counseling to help me sort my feeling out. I have preoccupied myself with activities to keep my mind off J*. But everyday that goes by I realize how much I miss J* and itís becoming more obvious that Iím not going to fall in love with P*. I feel like Iím holding a big secret that killing me. Yet Iím so afraid of rejection and pain to do anything about it.
4.25 out of 5 slimes
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