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I've lost my 2nd chance, so have I lost him for good?
He started out as my first kiss, then turned into my first real relationship, and soon after my first real love. I dated him for 5 months and felt bored in the last couple weeks... So I cheated on him with my best friends ex. Why I did that, I do not know. I was in a weird mood at the time and I cheated on him even though I knew I loved him. So because I was so guilty I broke up with him, then a month later the story got around to him and he was so upset.
I felt HORRIBLE. Then I went through a bunch of other guys in a period of 3 months and I started to talk to my ex again. I wanted to be back with him soooo badly. He actually asked me out again deciding he was forgiving me for what I did. I was the luckiest girl in the world, but then I gave him up again!
(For the stupidest reason - i would rather get drunk). So I told him I couldn,t be with him.
Now he goes to my school and I see him everyday. I am madly in love with him though and I have changed my life back to who I once used to be. Drinking means nothing to me and I of course will not have a drink for a long time! The thing is, I think I lost him for good this time. We,ve been talking a little bit but it,s not the same. I miss him so badly and I cry every single day because of him! I actually cried in front of him the other day without realizing I was crying until I wiped my cheek.
I want to marry this guy and I know I sound corny but I know what I want and I know what I need. You know you love someone when the mere thought of losing them brings you to tears. That thought brings me to tears on a daily basis. If I had a time machine I would take back everything I did to him. I feel so bad! ! !
To all you girls out there, when you love somebody do not let your emotions get you to make foolish and heart breaking mistakes. Think things over because you could lose the one you will love forever.
I do not know if I will admit to him how I feel because I feel very guilty, but if I continue to feel horrible every single day I might as well. There,s nothing to lose considering I already have lost him!
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