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Despite heartbreak and suffering, hope can be found
On July 25th 2008, my life changed forever. Some would say for the worse but I say it is the best thing to ever happen to me. I had just returned from vacation, I hopped on my computer to catch up on everything I had missed and avoid unpacking (hehe). Shortly before I had left, I had gotten addicted to an online ,game, again and so I immedietly logged on. Things were going as usual until later that evening when a guy walked in to the virtual shop I was in and he started talking to me. My first reaction was irritation because I had been busy changing my avatar,s outfit but we got talking and before I knew it hours had passed and I was being myself for the first time without feeling shy and embarrassed. A couple days passed in which we spoke for hours at a time, during this time I realized how much we had in common' music, fashion, humor, even smileys - by now I knew I had a crush on him. At least, that,s what I thought until my every thought was of him and it dawned on me that it was more that just a crush - I had crushes before but nothing like this. My immediate reaction was doubt and skepticism, how can you love someone you have never met? Why would he be interested? We continued to get closer and closer until December, meanwhile I dropped my doubts and skepticism and hoped he felt the same way. It was around then that he got a girlfried and broke my heart the first time, he didn,t talk about her much except to mention he had one and her name. I had never felt jealousy like this before which made me think of myself as ridiculous and obsessive. By January they had broken up and I was battling with myself whether to tell him. April arrived and after some strong encouragement from my friend, I admitted it. Almost pinching myself to death waiting for his reply and reaction I was relieved and filled with a happiness unlike any I ever felt before when he reciprocated my feelings and told me how he had felt the same but, like me, had been afraid to admit them in case I felt differently. For four months we texted and chatted online, most of this time I was the happiest girl alive except when I thought about him and I missed him. He would log on and my heart would pound and an involuntary grin would break out on my face. August came and so did the second heartbreak. By this time, things had gotten a little awkward and so I thought it would be best to ask him if something was wrong and if he noticed it. That night was the worst night of my life. He and I were both tearing ourselves apart because we couldn,t be together (we llive in different continents, let alone countries and we were by then still only 15). I agreed that a break up would be best only because I didn,t want him to suffer and although I was happy to make myself suffer I wasn,t willing to see him depressed and miserable. It is now December again and it is his brithday. I still love him and we still talk, but only as close friends. Today I sent him an email which tells him I still love him and I want him know it even if he doesn,t feel the same anymore. As I wait for a reply I still have hope and I still want to meet him in real life, even if it has to be in a year or more although I am determined to make it sooner. Maybe I,m weak for allowing this to go on for so long, maybe I am just lonely but what I am sure of is that he has changed my life for better even if I am still missing him and wishing we could be together now. Who ever said teenagers are unable to truly love????
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