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What IS WRONG with me!!!!
I broke up with my ex girlfriend because she was a lot of drama. She lied about her age, she had guys calling my and her phone. She had no job and no ambition. She had a child when she was 14 or 15. She caught an std! and... She got into a lot of trouble early and was seeing a psycologist. I found all of this out like 6 months into a relationship. This girl litterally destryed my life! I was seriously contemplating suicide and I still haven't gotten over it or her. I dont know really which. I now have the lifelong std herpes. Which she told me after she gave it to me. She is Bi and sexually liberated. Maybe Im just addicted to sex and now that Im not getting any its driving me bananas! I cant function, I cant even talk to women anymore. My confidence is gone. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I eventually found the heart to call it quits with her and go cold turkey but when che calls me or IM me I answer her and we try to be friends. We were together for a year and when I had enough of the suspicions of her cheating I decided to get even and I ended up cheating too. I felt so bad that I told her about it and that really helped with the letting go part. Im a real loser cause I still care about a girl who MOVED IN with a man ONE WEEK after we broke up. I opened a joint account for us. I spoiled her. I treated her right. And all she could do was say the words 'I love you' and never prove it. I wanted to start a family with her. I read in the paper that a guy named Abraham Biggs killed himself over something similiar. THat could have easily been me. But I dont wanna go out like that. Im in dire need. Im asking people that dont know who I am what I should do.... How should I go on? How can i be strong again and be the man that I want to be? Social, caring, expressive, and ambitious? Since we have been apart she makes it known to me that she has been exploring sexual possibilities on various occasions and I just tell her that Im chillin and not trying to see anyone. Today I broke my cool on aim and jokingly asked her for her affections... She jokingly declined and told me she was hanging out with her baby's father. Should I even care that she's exploring her sexuality and giving up what should have been mines so easily after we broke up? Honestly I just wanna find a new girl and move on... But thats easier said than done. I didn't know life would be like this. They say your only given 3 good shots at true love. One down... two to go...
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Japanese Love Kanji|
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