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Accept The Shortcomings
None of us are perfect. Some of us are sloppy. Some of us are perpetually late. It's just what happens. If a person spent 18+ years of their life a certain way, you aren't going to 'retrain' them. And really, they are not with you to have a new mommy or daddy. They want a partner in life to love them the way they ARE. If she is always late, then plan your schedule to start out 1/2 hour early and start all your preparations based on that. Arrange to be at the show 1/2 hr early for drinks, so that if you slide a little, you just cut into the drink time and still can see the show. If he is always messy, then first find ways to make things easier - get a hamper right by the bed, get a change dish right by the door. If it's more serious than that, talk to him about hiring a monthly maid. It might only be $30 - the cost of a few McBurgers - but it might really help your sanity level. You have to accept your partner the way he or she is - and find ways to deal with the issues in a way that is not water torture for you.