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!!! 10 long tips of miscellaneous advice for breaking the ice
1. Don't assume. A lot of the advice on these forums say 'don't ever' or 'all girls/guys' or 'he/she will definitely...' don't believe it. I mean it can be pretty accurate, because of course there's the ever present 'don't lie to a girl' and 'be a gentleman' (but not too much of a gentleman for certain feministas, haha) but you cannot assume that EVERY girl/guy in the universe likes it when you do a certain thing. And who cares! Because all you care about is your girl/guy, unless you're a slut or a pig. Don't be that. Anyway it's up to you to find out what they are like and what they like. Just use common sense, or if you weren't graced in the common sense department, slow trial and error CAN work. For example, you wouldn't wait for a shy person to talk to you, even if you are shy. They may never approach you, even if they like you. And we don't want that! Use your common sense! Or just try out a tip and see if it works. What's the worst that could happen? Just don't test out anything too forward without having an idea of the consequences. 2. If you're shy, try not to be! I know this is hard. Believe me, I know. But just try to get yourself out there. Start out slow. Don't walk up to someone and try to strike up a conversation. You would probably get tongue tied and embarrass yourself, which is worth a shot if it's probably the first and last time you're going to see them and you'd just like to generate a relationship out of thin air. (Which I don't recommend, because what do you know about that person really?) If you see them every day, starting out slow is much easier. Say you go to school together, and you pass them in the hall every day after fourth period, or you have a class together or something (which is even better!) Say hi or wave as they pass you! Make sure they see/hear, otherwise you'll feel embarrassed again. Once you get a hi back, keep this going. Work towards something with a little more contact. Try striking up a conversation when they don't look too busy. Are they outgoing? Try touching their arm while you're talking, maybe as you're making a point or trying to reinforce something you've said. Are they more shy? Maybe you should hold off on that part until they are more comfortable. Ask them about their plans, you don't have to ask them to do anything but when someone asks me my plans as if they are generally interested it makes me feel good and I'm sure it would make them feel good as well. Be genuine and not too scary though, you don't want to appear as a stalker. Keep escalating contact, Ask them to do something, who knows, maybe they'll even invite you into some of their already made plans. Keep letting things escalate, soon you'll have a good friendship and soon a more romantic relationship. 3. DON'T psych yourself out. Don't make yourself too nervous. Don't dwell on things too much. Don't work yourself into a frenzy thinking 'should I say this or this or what should I do how should I do my hair...' or random crap like that. If you start to think like that just tell yourself that you will take this day to prepare and tomorrow you will be ready. You don't want to be nervous, bad things happen when you're nervous. You can say the completely wrong thing or sometimes nothing at all if you freak out too much. Be careful. 4. Take a hint! If they seem stand offish, think about why they might be. this is not to say that you should delve into their business but, you should examine, is it your fault? Are they naturally shy and stand offish? Do they seem to be more stand offish than usual? Does it look like they want to get away? If so, give them space!!! I think it's safe to say that nobody likes someone who comes off as overbearing, or at least, nobody I know, and definitely not me. I guess that was all very negative, and a hint can be positive too! If someone is smiling a lot and laughing when you're perfecting your flirting technique, you can probably assume that is a good sign, unless they're just silly and happy all the time. And if they are, at least you're not making them less happy. 5. General hints -Theirs. like body language and tone. If someone's arms are folded, they could just be naturally and unconsciously defensive - or they could want you to go away. Or at least back off. Like Hitch says, '60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth.' And use that to your advantage! Because sometimes, that 10% that comes out of somebody's mouth is lies! Fortunately, most people (at least the ones I've met) can't control their tones or their body language. So use it to your advantage. If someone's arms are folded and they look very cross and, hmm, maybe they're yelling, maybe it's time for you to dip out. I guess that's a bit obvious, but most people have a natural ability to read body language and tone. 6. General hints - Yours. Yours matters just as much if not more than theirs does because you can change your mind about them but it's a lot harder to make them change their mind about you. Be open, be caring, don't be cold and unfeeling. Watch your tone and your attitude, like your mama told you all these years. You don't want to come off as just plain mean or nervous or neurotic or something. DON'T bite your nails, even if you don't bite them because you're nervous because that is what it will seem like and they will subconsciously assume that you are nervous. A lot of people develop stress relieving habits not unlike nailbiting. Some twist their hair, I'm a hair twister. Some pick at their skin, some fiddle, some let their mind wander and they wonder of things like whether they're sweating and then they think of trickling sweat and then they think of itchiness and then they get imaginary itches and have to scratch. Which is odd but not any sort of phenomenon. It happens. Make sure your body language says that you are not nervous and are generally interested in them and would possibly like to start dating them as soon as possible. (I'm not sure if you can convey all of that but good luck.) 7. The Touch Barrier. If you are attracted to someone and they are equally attracted to you, it's probably safe to say that you both want to break the touch barrier. People generally want to be held and touched. I know I do! Haha anyway a good way to break the touch barrier is not by touching accidentally, because I think that's a little silly. I believe it is by touching meaningfully. This doesn't mean you have to grab his/her hands and stare into eachother's eyes until the sun rises. What I mean is that you should make sure there's a reason you're touching them. If you're walking down the street and see something interesting, grab his/her hand and point with your other. Swat softly at an imaginary bug. Don't smack, and don't wave your hand. Try a sort of scooping measure especially if you're a boy because most girls don't like the idea of bug guts spread all over her arm, even if it's not a real bug, because hey! She doesn't know. Pretend they've got something on their face - don't make up anything gross, especially if you're a boy, just say it's a hair or something. If you lean in close to get something off of their face, if they're especially flirtatious or just plain forward, they might give you a small kiss. Nothing big, just something that says , 'Hey, I'm kind of interested in you.' This has happened to me before, on more than one occasion. So anyway, just try and break the touch barrier, not as soon as possible, but don't put it off for too long because you'll end up psyching yourself out and the other person might think that you're not a very touchy-feely person and will confide in their friends who will either say 'dump them' or 'you're going to have to exert yourself', and do you really want to take that 50/50 chance? I don't. 8. Give them enough attention. This may seem obvious but I wouldn't say that it is to most people. A lot of girls that I know (myself included) don't like it when we are in the company of a boy who is doing something like text messaging the entire time we're together or something random. This doesn't go for things like when you do something like maybe a date in the park where you bring books and read together, but if you're walking through the mall and the other person is destracted and barely paying attention, it's not much fun for the other person, who will either feel as if they need to compete or as if you feel they are unworthy and then decide that you are inherently unworthy. Either way you lose. 9. Don't turn anyone down because they don't fit your 'type.' I am a polyracial female, and I typically date Hispanic and black and guys. But when a white guy asked me out, I didn't automatically turn him down because he wasn't what I find MOST attractive. Don't cruise around with your blinders on looking for that perfect mate because someone who's not exactly what you're looking for but is PERFECT for you in as many ways as are possible could be walking on the sidewalk right next to you and you wouldn't even know. If you are looking for a true mate then it should go so far beyond anything physical anyway. That should be only one of your worries. 10. BE YOURSELF. This one may be the most important. Because YOU are the person you're most good at being! You can pull 'you' off! You can't pull Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie off unless that's who you are, let's get that straight. You may be good at pretending for a while but women more than men (not all the time, but very frequently) can tell when you're not being real with them. Play up your good characteristics and play down your bad ones. Don't be a total liar or anything but you know make yourself look good because you do have something to offer. Hopefully. Haha just kidding, of course you do. You're probably wonderful since you're seeking advice on how to do things RIGHT. And if you ever feel like you should be someone else or they won't like you, and you try being yourself and tey give no response, I hate to say it, but they are probably all wrong for you. I will probably put more tips out if these are at all helpful