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A Love Quote
[Love is] to be two and at the same time one. --Sonya Levien



Seven Days to Sex Appeal

I know there are many women out there who say "I am too fat / thin / tall / short" to be sexy. They think sexy is about big boobs or a thin waist, and only surgery or extreme diets will help them out.

This book is a clear explanation of why that is NOT the case. Many studies over the years have shown that men are drawn to a woman because of the attitude she projects. We can certainly all name actresses who are all of the above "problem shapes" who still come across as quite sexy. It is related to their self assurance, how they move, how they use their eyes, mouth and hands.

There are many studies, for example, that show the power and importance of "mirroring". As the book explains, mirroring is when you match your partner's vocal patterns (speed of talking, tone) as well as their movements (large, small). It affects you on a very primal level.

People react naturally to eye contact. A too sharp / steady look is predatory and makes you defensive. No eye contact at all makes you feel ignored and uncared for. It is a happy middle, where you get looks to show you matter, but not stares as if you are prey, that works best. The book goes into exactly how to achieve that.

There will be women who say "I don't want to play games! I want someone to like me for me!" But certainly those women will agree that interacting with others - men OR women - is about making the experience pleasant for both people. If you went out with a guy OR girl and took over the conversation, talking in a loud, brash voice non stop, not caring if they were interested or paying attention, that this would not be healthy. Interacting well with another human is about using friendly body language, showing interest in what they say, encouraging them to share in the conversation and so on. If a woman already knows what is in this book, then good for them! But for the MANY women who simply do not know or understand this type of information, the book is a great primer on how to interact better with others.

How about the pages on "how to walk" and "how to sit"? Again, as silly as it might seem to some, there really ARE walks and postures that project self confidence and happiness. You can easily do a study on your own. Sit on the corner of a plaza some weekend, at a cafe, and people watch. Look at the women who walk past the table. You can quickly see that a slouched, shuffling, eyes-down walk is far less "healthy looking" than one which is upright, good posture, springy step. People are naturally drawn to people who seem vibrant and happy.

It's like learning martial arts, or yoga, or any other system like that. The more you feel good about yourself, and the more you care for your health, the more it shows in your face and posture. You don't have to be thin or big busted. If you are happy, confident and healthy, that attracts people. This book helps you in that same way.

Now, there are certainly issues with the book. The entire book is told in a long narrative between "student" and "coach". It can get tedious at times to read the story in this fashion, and by its nature you only get to hear one person's problems or successes instead of talking about a variety of situations ("what if I have problems standing for long periods of time? What if I have short hair?"). Next, in an attempt to be cute, each page is printed on a different color of "wallpaper". It makes it hard to read. Finally, I do really appreciate that they used drawings rather than photos of women - women tend to be really judgmental / jealous when looking at photos. But that being said, many of the drawings just aren't well done, to illustrate the point they are trying to make. They should have used much more clear drawings, perhaps with arrows or lines pointing to the item they are trying to highlight.

The traits they brought out in the book really do work, and they really do matter - not just to men, but to other humans in general. It might seem "silly" that evolved, intelligent humans react to things like eye contact and posture - but then again, is it? We all want to be cared for, and we want to be with people who are happy. We take shortcuts in figuring these things out. We don't have the luxury of talking to each new person we pass at a party for 2 hours to determine in any level of detail what they are like. We make some quick guesses based on clothing, posture, body language and facial expressions and we go from there. It's how society has to work if we are going to have parties that last under 300 hours each :) This book helps you put your best foot forward in those situations, and to help others know if you are interested in them.

If you really don't believe in this book's message, try this experiment. Dress in baggy sweats, an old t-shirt, and don't comb your hair for your next party. Go in without looking at anyone, grab a drink, and curl up in a far corner, staring morosely at your drink, shoulders hunched. If anybody does approach you, it'll probably be a close friend wondering if you are OK. How we act and move DOES send a clear message to those around you. Learn to make sure that message is one you want to have sent.

Buy Seven Days to Sex Appeal at Amazon.Com

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