When I was 13 all I really wanted was to have fun with my friends, that all changed when a lad came to my school and got obsessed with me. I was fed up with it at first and then suddenly my feelings changed and I realised I loved him, I guess you can't help who you fall for!

For years we got together and broke up, he was a messed up lad and had serious anger and jealousy issues. My parents and the teachers at school banned us from seeing each other because of what was happening but we still tried our best to be in each others lives, calling each other night after night and meeting up secretly when we could. We even made plans to run away together, although I was too afraid at the time.

We got together at the end of school prom although it was "against the rules", we didn't care, for a moment I was brave enough to defend our love... But things never worked out and eventually one night all the years of hurt and pain came out and I hit him, he punched me out, game over.

Years later we met up a few times but I vowed never to let it happen again and tried to move on. I got with other guys and now have a mortgage with my current boyfriend. I do love him but every night I dream about my ex and what could have been. I hate myself for not being stronger and standing by him 'cause deep down I still believe we could have been perfect. I'm 22 now, it's been over 9 years and I try every day to forget him but it just won't happen. The "what if" factor is driving me insane. I never saved him and he'll haunt me forever because of it...

Who could know the emptiness inside
Every time I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me?
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows how perfect we could be...

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