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If I could go back in time

If I could go back in time;

I'd realize that I was wrong, yet at the same time, so was he. There are good men out there and he blew me away when I was never really looking. I would have treated him the way that I wanted, versus being scared to death. I never let him see who I was about, but, yet he tried.

But now at this present time. I look back. This man stole my heart. Yet, I wonder although he is a great person and everything I ever wanted...... I wonder if I gave him too much credit, but my heart is telling me he was "perfect for me."

If I could go back in time; I would have just been myself. He adored me as much as I did him. I pushed him away, so it was my fault to an extent, but his fault at the same time. He was very arrogant and I was overly sensitive.

Even though I still adore him to this day, if he was worth everything I have felt, then why is he not here? That is the only thing I have to make help me try to forget him. I made huge mistakes with him. Mistakes I have never done before. Although I was captured by him, I still wonder why? If he was worth all the hurt and energy wasted, if it was the heartache I feel for him.

I have dated since him, almost moved out of state and even engaged. All these stupid things happened in hopes to forget "him."

He still has my heart.

I wish I could turn back the clock since it didn't work out. It wasn't all just me and my mistakes. It was him as well.

I wish I could turn back and change everything either to the day the mistakes started happening or never having that day I first met him. I really don't know which one would be better. All I know is this man who has completely drained me, held my heart, ruined my integrity, but made me feel like myself again, he was "my love."

He was a "good one," and I love him (I don't know why {time period was very short). But, I wish since he is not around, that one day I will not think of him. I am not desperate for love, actually run from it. But for some reason, I think of him everyday and it has been awhile now. He probably doesn't even remember me.

Just wish I could turn back the clock for a better tomorrow.
He caused every single thing I was trying to avoid. I did very good for several years and several opportunites.

I'll never see him again, but I just wish that I could. Only see him again and to tell him, "I'm sorry for how I treated you." .....that's all.


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