Back in Time @ RomanceClass -
I pushed the best thing that ever came into my life away.

This message is not to my younger self its to the part of me that was blind back in the past. Its amazing how memories of the bad things never leave. You can push them out but at least everyday something brings them back into the confussed mind of yours.You ask yourself "How could you do that" "Why would you ever think of doing something like that" What if you wouldent have hurt them" and the big one "I wish i could go back and do it differntly". But who do we think we are, we arnt god, we can not change the past ,but yet hope for the future ,but what scares us is not knowing what the future holds. I was blind about 6 mounths ago.I pushed the best thing that ever came into my life away.They asked me why i was doing it and i lied because i felt embaresd of what the real answer was. I pushed them out because i was scared, scared that i could tell someone anything and everything .The fear that i had something that was close to me, too close for me to handle. i was scared that i could tell someone i love them and really mean it. my weakness is my fear and i let fear control my future. but that was the past today i still sit and think where i would be at this very moment if i would have done things diferntly and the only answer i have is you did what you did you can't change it things happen for a reason. The person i did this to we still remain close they never leave my thoughts, i used to not be able to look them in the eye cause i was embaresed at what i had done but i finaly told them why and now i can look at them all the time and i always smile i will never forget them and i hope they never forget me i will always leave a place for them in my heart for i hope they leave a place in theirs for me and i will always love them and i hope they always love me. I have asked for a second chance and i know the past did happen but i am not letting fear control me and now all i can and will do is to wait for them becaue i left once but i am not leaving again.


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