Age Difference is Creating a Divide
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi, my boyfriend and I have known each other for 4 years and have been in a exclusive committed relationship for 1 and a half of those years. Both of us are very happy with our present relationship, though it is not a traditional relationship. I am 27 and he is 54. The age has never been a problem between us or either of our friends or families. In fact, everything was perfect until I mentioned that down the road (5 or so years) I would like to live together.
Given his age and his life experience he does not want to travel that road again. He enjoys his space and personal time (as so do I). However, given my age and place in life, I want the opportunity to experience that next step in our relationship. Right now I go to his house on Fri. and stay through Mon. night, we usually do not see each other on Tue through Thur. and this is our personal time apart. I value this time as much as he does, but I cannot picture myself living out of my suitcase each weekend as I visit him for the next 10 years.
I am at a loss as of what to do. I do not want to ask him to make a life changing decision that may lead to him resenting me, but I do not want to "waste" my time if there is no possibility of the type of future I want either. Do you have any advice you can offer me?
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
That's the trouble with having a big age difference between a couple.The younger person want to explore and taste life while the older one feels that he(or she) has already lived life so he/she wants to stay at home.You need to talk to your fellow about your feelings and tell him what you desire.If he cares about you,he would try to reach a happy medium with you.If he is too set in his ways,you need to find someone closer to your age who is also more flexible.If you feel like you are going to be stuck home a lot,you will end up feeling quite a bit of resentment and that isn't good at all. Good Luck!!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer