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He Abuses Me - What Do I Do?



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend started dating when I was 15. I am 21 now. The first 3 months were fine then he started being possesive and abusive. More mental than anything. He told me I was fat so I went on a diet and lost 50 pounds but it wasn't good enough I weighed 115 and he wanted me to keep going. He cheated on me several times and threw it up in my face like it was a game.

We were together for 3 years and I finally told him it was over. I left and met someone else but couldn't stop thinking about him. I was getting married and I was pregnant. But I changed all that. I couldn't imagine living my life without him. I left my fiance and got an abortion so I could go back to him.

For the first time we moved in together and it has gotten really bad. He is mentally and physically abusive to me. He brings girls to my house and sleeps with them. He never comes home. He leaves and turns his phone off so I can't find him and then when I do call he screams at me and calls me a stupid ignorant whore. Even though I have only been with 2 people in my whole life. I don't think thats being a whore.

Please help me I don't know what to do. I can't see my life without him but I can't take living like this anymore.




User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
others need you... HE DOESNT


There are three types of people in this world... The ones who live and learn.... and the ones, who listen and learn... and the ones who live, but do not listen and do not learn.
Everyone has a little of both in them, the first two are not better than the other.. as the listener gets plenty of excitment (possibly some fear) just from HEARING about the learner.. they really work together well... two listeners might get bored with one another... two learners will be and seem passionate about every part of their relationship maybe just too busy to get bored always having a better story to tell...
The ones who live, but doest listen and doesnt learn....
are unfortunatly very confused... (watch for signs of how other people initially digest him... does the door guy at the restaurant look at him strangely at greeting(weird vibes perhaps) well, they may seem to have ALOT of friends believe it or not,but no real close ones. They are confused people and they may not be aware, that they cant follow through with a final decision... they cant make up their minds... and still dont seem to see that they are indicisive.... if you mention it, OH GOD...they have very little self control (may seem exciting and spontanious). They are not easy to spot, like the volkswagon bugs going down the freeway.... but there are a few simple ways to help. these people are all around us...First off... let the listener in you take over. Men tend to tell on their self if you let them talk... so stop talking so much... listen... really listen... think about what he is trying to say and the tones of his voice.... I recommend doing this all the time everywhere you go...in less than the time it takes to get ready for a date... (average is 3 to 4 hrs, possibly 2hrs if you already bought that hot black dress youve been waiting ta go on sale) you will or should be able to know if that man is someone that has potential to be a problem in your life... Oh yeah.... "just a little" of anything (like being jealous tempermental or possessive or even insecure and needy-these are reds!) you need to have a reminder NO NOTES IN WRITING, mentally...like hind sight 20/20, this will help you focus on his repeated bad behavior when he tells you your wrong! you see.... You have a memory, because its purpose is so you can learn from your mistakes.
live and learn... listen and learn....
both are great tools for living WELL.
1. find one thing that makes you feel really good about yourself (that doesnt have to to with him)
2.when he starts trying to get to you, break you down, do a 360.. unexpected behavior but nothing violent, as it not the answer. (like, dont cry this time.. better yet, no expression at all) pretend he speaks another language..
he watches your body language, so watch his.
3 stop giving compliments or any affirmations that just gives him power.
4 I write...I makeup a type of redneck jokes though. I make fun of him.. i listen to him as he explodes on me.. and start making fun of the way he talks... or remind him of how that word isnt used properly in that sentence it makes me lafff inside, he hates to see me be happy, unless HE made it happen.

LAST but NOT least...help someone else so you know your life is not being thrown away, do it soon.. others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
others need you... HE DOESNT!
I could go on and on... as im going through the same thing as you.


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